Friday morning I had my grammar class, of course. I enjoyed talking with Magali, as usual. Since we both want to get stronger, and to get back to track shape, we decided to meet Monday nights at the gym to start our own lifting. After class, I zipped past Koike-sensei on my bike, heading back to my dorm room. The day before, after planting seedlings, he had in fact mentioned that he may have me go present at the Japan Ecological Society and that I should apply. Little did we both know that the deadline had actually been the evening before. So during my grammar class I was anxious to speak with him, especially since I wasn't entirely sure if I had understood just what he wanted me to do and if it really involved a presentation. We were both happy to bump into each other to clear things up. Very soon thereafter, at noon, I attended the weekly lunch seminar. Afterwards, Koike-sensei explained what we should do about the presentation confusion. Since we had been confused about the deadline for the ecological society, he told me it would be worth it for me to come along anyways just to hear and learn, and explained that I should apply for the Japan Forestry Society meeting, so I could do a presentation then instead! I should have been more cautious when he had asked previously about my undergraduate research experience. I have completed one independent research project, I explained to him, on earthworm and buckthorn in Minnesota (both of which are "non-native" species and appear to facilitate each other. So I guess I will be presenting about this! I'm far, far, far from an expert so it makes me nervous. I would not consider my research project, although it was fun and I learned considerably, to be detailed enough for a presentation. Or unique enough. There are more qualified professors who have done significant research in this area, so I feel that my own little study--although I will explain it and present about it as best as I can!--is not sufficient. However, I reminded myself that the specific issue of earthworm spread in the great lakes area should actually be fairly interesting for Japanese researchers. But I'm definitely going to have to study up on Japanese ecology terminology--because the presentation is in Japanese! After the lecture, I mailed more letters. I feel as though the postal workers faces must all drop when they see me enter, because I always cause a hassle. This time it was much smoother, though. In the afternoon, I fell asleep for awhile. Naps are all well and good, but I think I'm going to have to prohibit them from now on. They are so unproductive. But it was raining again outside, and the gloomy weather really does have an effect on me. Rain is well and good now and again, and I know it is important to be thankful for precipitation (especially after the dry Minnesota weather we have had these last years), but I sure dislike being damp. In the evening I had my Environmental class. Joshua, a classmate and new friend (who I came to know better on the trip to Tomakomai) earlier in the week had asked me to join him for dinner after our class. Admittedly, I was surprised, because I have never in my life been asked to dinner by a guy before (except Koike-sensei, but that doesn't count!). And flattered! And really, he is so kind, and hardworking. We biked to the north cafeteria, which I had never seen before and which is much larger than the others. I tried to do my best to suggest good foods to eat, but since I can't eat meat, my suggestions tend to be limited in first hand knowledge. At dinner, we both shared more about our backgrounds, since we only knew basic details from our past conversation. At this moment, I was reminded once again what an absolutely amazing experience it is to be here, and to meet people from all over the world. Joshua is from Nigeria, in fact, and so for both of us there were many things to share about our respective countries. And I can say with the utmost honesty that I have never spoken with someone who has given me more kind words in a single sitting. I truly look forward to learning more from him. I am so grateful to have met him. I biked back in the sprinkling rain after dinner, but I was so delighted by dinner that I hardly noticed it.
On Saturday morning, I had 9:15am track practice. Thankfully, the rain had stopped. It was sunny and pleasant. I even thought it was hot, in the direct light. The workout was 4x2x250m. The pacing for these workouts is always "as fast as you can." I am having trouble adjusting to this, because at most of my practices you are given goal times and paces which you are expected to meet. The rest between each set was a lengthy 15 minutes again, however! At this point, I am grateful for the long rest, because I am no where near the shape I want to be in before I can call myself a track athlete again. My body doesn't quite know how to react. At the end of my track career, I think my body gradually accepted the reality that it may never see a track race again (well, not NEVER because I promised Abby Smith that I would compete with her in the Masters series, for older folks. And I am always scheming of ways to sneak into races, anyways.). I wonder a little if my body let go of its track memories forever. I'm crossing my fingers that I can recover at least a little speed. I want so desperately to improve my times, although I know that this will be harder than ever in a new environment, with a new team, and with new practice methods. Still, that does not overshadow the fact that it is an incredible, and rare, opportunity to have the privilege to compete. The weather was so beautiful, as I was cooling down I was considering a long bike ride to the ocean. I also wanted to help cheer up Becca, who has been going through a difficult time this past week. Hanako-san asked me if I would be ready for lunch, and I explained the plans I had been considering. She was surprised, and told me that today was my welcome party! I had mixed up the days (I always mix up the Japanese words for Saturday and Sunday)! So of course I needed to go with! I had really been looking forward to this, so it was a pleasant surprise! It was about 11:30AM by the end of practice, and Hanako-san said she would meet me at 12:30 at the large Yodobashi Camera store, which is a landmark for me and many others. Then we would bike together. Hanako-san and all of the track girls are so ridiculously nice. The plan was to go to what is called a "dessert buffet"!!!! Since I don't eat meat, and since I said that I like cake, they had decided this would be a good choice and I could not have agreed more! The restaurant was off of Oodori, in a popular shopping area, and was called Shall We Sweets. In addition to a glass cabinet full of little cake squares you could select, there was also pasta, salads, little pizzas, and other lunch foods. What is more, there was sweet green tea, waffles, crepes, and icecream as well! And you could eat as much as you want, within the about a 40 minute time span! It was incredible! I tried to keep my excitement under control, but secretly I was so pleased and happy. Everyone was so kind, and I have really been astounded by how welcomed everyone made me feel. Goodness gracious, it was a happy meal, full of smiling faces. I am so grateful to everyone, and especially Hanako-san, who has helped me all the time. After eating, we biked back towards Yodobashi Camera--the sun was still pleasantly shining, the weather crisp but not cold, and golden leaves skirting across the sidewalks. I returned to my dorm to finish up some work, feeling extremely content. I still had not heard back from Becca all day, though, and this made me worried for her. I had told her in the morning that if she needed anything, or wanted to go to dinner or talk with me, she could call anytime. It got to be about 6PM, and I decided she must be preoccupied, and so I had just gotten ready to go pick up some cooking supplies to make dinner when I received a message asking if I was still interested in dinner. Of course, I was! We went to the Indian restaurant, and so it was round two of delicious food. Truly, a good day by the judgement of my stomach. I wanted to make sure Becca felt that she could talk to me about her troubles. I am not sure if I have been very helpful for her, but I hope so. I often do not know what to do or say, being (as I have referred to myself lately, "miserly" and "hermit-like"). But I am wishing her the best. This evening, the waiter even gave us free pieces of naan! We decided that, undoubtedly, we would bring the restaurant some Christmas presents. I enjoyed biking back with Becca that evening, and I hope so much that I was able to lighten her situation even just a bit. Although I myself can be rather morose at times, I do my best to wear a smile. Because it is true that being sad is not worth the time--though of course it cannot always be controlled, nor should you hold back your sadness when that is the case. But there is something to be said for putting on a smile. Therefore, the least I can do is to share a smile. And the more you smile, the happier you become.
On Sunday morning, it was morning track practice again. The weather was sunny again, and so I really lucked out. It felt so good to see pleasant weather, after a week of simply awful rain. When I asked what the workout was for the day, I almost couldn't believe it. It was 4x1200m. But then I reasoned, it is probably meant to be paced carefully. I asked what the speed should be--as fast as you can! I couldn't keep myself from looking incredulous. But I said I would do my best! Anyways, I am secretly very stubborn about challenges, and enjoy them. When given a challenging workout, though it can be frightening, usually I just meet it with a grin. It is sort of the feeling of "I dare you to be too difficult." Or the feeling of looking at a steep cliff and thinking, I bet I can get to the top, just watch me. I can't quite describe it, but I really enjoy a challenge. That being said, MID-challenge, my body usually has other opinions. There was still 12 minutes of rest in between sets, and this was yet again a saving grace. The first three sets I managed alright--not going as fast as I would like, to be sure, but keeping within a meter of Hanako-san. I always have a little bit of breath left to cheer on whoever I am running with, so coming into the last curve I always tried to say "faito!" (fight!) or "dekimasu!" (you can do it!). The last set, though I had felt the usual twinge of excitement, my legs had other ideas. The gap between Hanako-san and I widened on the second lap, and finishing the third lap I was about 50m behind. I wasn't cheering that time! So embarrassing. But I did my best to wear a smile. I had done my best, and there's not much more I can do. Improvement, I suspect, will be slow in appearing this year. I thanked Hanako-san for her help. That morning, I had received a humorous email from Koike-sensei telling me to please "harvest" the potatoes, peanuts, and sweet potatoes growing wild around the experiments. So after practice, I changed into some work clothes, retrieved the shovel from the secret cabinet (with use of the equally secret hidden key, which Koike-sensei had showed me). I had hoped that Becca would join me. Unfortunately, she didn't. It would have been more fun with company, but it was still so wonderful. While planting the seedlings that week, Koike-sensei had suddenly stepped out of the way and pulled up a peanut plant, explaining that they were growing wild all over the place, along with the potatoes. I did not catch the explanation of why exactly. I felt odd digging around next to the experiments--I felt nervous that someone might think I was messing with the research, even though I am supposed to be there. But once I actually managed to dig up some potatoes, I was so stunned! They were actually there, growing amongst the grass and plants alongside the paths. I pushed the shovel into the ground again, next to what I was half-way sure was a potato plant, and sure enough there were heaps of little potatoes in the dirt. I got all messy, but the harvest was successful as far as potatoes go. I only managed to find one peanut (literally, one). The sweet potatoes remained illusive. I couldn't find anything that looked like them, though they may even now be hiding out beneath the ground. After cleaning up, I brought my experimental potatoes back to the room. I received a message from Becca asking if I wanted to try to go study in a coffee shop. So I quickly changed out of most of the dirt (I actually ended up getting mud all over, which is not really that hard when you consider that I can reach almost all parts of my room by standing in the center). We were going to try to find a Starbucks to study in, though I have no love of coffee. They were all packed for whatever unfortunate reason. But we stopped and I got a piece of pumpkin cake instead of coffee. It was too hectic to study there, so next we tried the library, but this too was busy. Kotaro-san, who Becca had been asking for advice, told her that we should just come study at his place. I was hesitant, because I knew that it would not really be possible to be efficient in such a setting despite Becca's assiduousness. But I conceded anyways, because I have not really gotten to see much of Kotaro-san and his friends lately. We swung by the dorm and I picked up my laptop, which I rarely bring around since it is not sleek or especially light. For the first part, we were all fairly quiet. I still did not accomplish much, and our dedication degraded the longer we were there, to the point that we really were just talking and planning trips by the end. My suspicions had been correct. But I found it so kind yet again that Kotaro-san cooked dinner!
Monday is the only day of the week I can sleep in, and so it was such a relief. I woke up casually, at about 9:30AM. I didn't have to rush to eat or change or run out the door. I could move leisurely. I ate breakfast slowly, took a shower, and tried to get some things written and finished. Outside, it started to rain as it got closer to noon. And I had a surprise. While generally procrastinating on facebook, my good friend Sara noticed that I was dinking around. She finally sent me her skype name (Sara!) and we got to see each other for the first time in months! What a goof ball. I couldn't help but be smiley and happy to talk with her. She described my face on skype exactly how she had imagined I look when talking on a phone--that being, confused. I showed her my banjo, discussed plans for how she had better come visit, talked about my fitful plans for future education, foods, biking around in Japan and the general absent-minded recklessness of Japanese bikers, and all sorts of random things. I forget how it is to talk so naturally with someone. After that, I needed to get back to work. I didn't accomplish all that much, regrettably. I was supposed to fill out my application form for the Japan Forest Society, but because it is all written in kanji, Koike-sensi suggested I ask Nana-san (who is Chinese, but because of the similarity of the characters, is far more literate than I). At about 4:30PM, I met her at the Agricultural building. We had a heck of a time trying to work with the finicky online application, and trying to translate my abstract since it would not accept the original english version. Eventually, we were able to submit a shortened version. It was frustrating, but Nana-san is really patient and funny, so it worked out in the end. It took much longer than the original 10 minutes it ought to have--in fact, about an hour. I went back to the dorm, changed quickly, wrote down the track lifting sheet and general strength, and then I was off to the gym to meet Magali to lift weights together. As I was leaving the dorm, I passed Becca walking back with Kotaro-san. Becca had said she would also meet us at the gym, so I called out her name. She came shortly after, and I met Magali at 6:30. We got started with the lifting sheet that I had. I did my best to remember what all the odd names for the exercises meant. I kept saying that it is written in secret Olaf code. What we accomplished was relatively simple, and it felt extremely strange to go through the motions of exercises which were once, and so recently, familiar but now difficult to remember alone. Magali is so cheerful and ambitious, so it was a fun evening. Becca joined us too, and Magali had to leave by 7:30PM, so afterwards I waited a little bit for Becca to finish, and revealed to her how embarrassingly inflexible I am when it comes to stretches. In the evening, after getting back, and cooking dinner of eggs, potatoes, and rice (I must say, CO2 enriched potatoes taste just fine!), Becca and I met up for milk tea, some music, and I showed the slow but steady progress I have been making on the banjo.
On Tuesday I woke up early to finish kanji homework. After class, I ran into Becca. She was going to work on assignments in the library. I did not have my laptop with me, and needed to work on some applications, so I opted to return to my room. However, I procrastinated by playing banjo. I find that I get so easily distracted when in my room. But at the same time, I do not focus well in groups of people. I work best when I am on my own. By about noon, however, I decided to join Becca at the library. I clearly was not finishing much on my own, especially with the temptation of playing the banjo. I brought my laptop, sat down with Becca at her table, and opened up the blank document which I have been trying for so long to fill with words. At the moment, I could add no more than the prompt. So unfortunately, even at the library I was not especially productive. I do think I need to be completely alone to work the best--but as I said, this too leads me to give into distracting things. After a little while, Kotaro showed up. He sat reading a book, while Becca was generally productive in getting her reading done, and I was anything but. Outside, the weather was bright, and I so dislike to be indoors on such days. A little after 1PM, Kotaro and Becca wanted to go to lunch. If I am honest, I felt a little awkward joining them, especially after I learned that Kotaro wanted to go to a different restaurant, not just the Shokudou (university cafeteria). I felt as though perhaps he wanted me to leave, so he could have lunch with Becca. I have no way of knowing for sure, and to be certain Kotaro is a very nice guy, but this was the distinct sense that my admittedly self-conscious person perceived. In any case, I was becoming extremely stressed that I had wasted not just the time that morning, but also that I had finished nothing on my application papers the night before. Feeling a little down, and frustrated about the situation, I went back to dorm to try to work harder. I ate an apple and peanut butter (which I consume too much of), and tried again. Very surprisingly, at about 3:30 PM my cell phone rang. Though I did not recognize the number, I knew that the area code was for Sapporo. I very rarely receive phone calls, because they are expensive and most people in order to save money use email (and occasionally text messaging). I decided to pick up the phone, knowing it could be Koike-sensei, or some other important entity trying to reach me. In fact, it was Tashiro-san from the Agricultural School office. She has a very soft and somewhat shy demeanor, and in this way explained to me that there was somebody from Sappachi honey at the office wondering if I was there. Sappachi is the honey farm, if you remember, on top of a building in Sapporo. Becca and I had met one of the workers during the Autumn festival, and had agreed much to their excitement to volunteer if they needed help. At that time, I had given them my business card so that they could contact us. Tashiro-san also sounded a bit confused--though not quite as confused as I! Previously, I had received an email from Sappachi asking if I was interested in helping at a small event in a few weeks. This, I assume, was the purpose of the visit. She asked if I was in the lab, but unfortunately I was in my dorm and it was getting close to when I needed to get ready for track practice. Tashiro-san asked if I had time to come meet with them and I knew that it would be too rushed so I explained to her that I was very sorry for the trouble (I had no idea they would come to Hokudai to seek me, I had assumed they would email or call) but I could not come at that time. Instead, I gave them my phone number and told them to call me at any time. Then I did my best to write a polite email in Japanese apologizing for the trouble. I feel so bad that they came all the way to campus to find me! The older lady who we had met is very nice, and I imagined how disappointed she might have been. I really do want to volunteer, though! At 4:30PM I had track practice. We were meeting in a new place for me, the gym off of mainstreet which I had up until locating the real gym believed to be the primary athletics center. Hanako-san met me outide, and showed me where to go once indoors. This gym, compared to the fairly dilapidated main gym, is quite new. However, I do not think there is a weight room. As far as I could observe, in fact, there are only locker rooms and a big basketball court. The practice, as I gradually learned, would involve a lot of jumping exercises. Little did I know just how difficult it would be for me. First we warmed up (too little running, in my opinion) then I did drills for what always seems like an excessive amount of time. We all circled up and the captain announced the workout. From what I could collect, boy was I nervous. It was indeed jumping. A lot of jumping. We all lined up along the basketball court. The first time across the whole court we were to jump holding one leg up to our chest (or in my case, holding one leg). Then we switched legs, and hopped back to the start. Without pausing to rest, we were to switch to holding our foot behind our back and jump all the way across and back (switching feet half way). I found even this first set of going down and back twice to be so difficult. I am dreadful--and I mean dreadful--at most things involving jumping. When you combine flexibility, I'm done for. I am notoriously inflexible. So from the start, I was not only the last one to reach the other side, but also extremely silly looking. I had no idea how long we would keep this up. As it turns out, we did about 5 (6?) sets! With every set, my whole body became worn to the point that I could barely hop as I reached the end. And I was always the last person. It was absolutely embarrassing. At some point, even I must admit to my physical limitations. I knew I would not be able to make it through all the sets. The coach was watching practice from across the gym, and I wanted so badly to keep up at least a decent image in front of everyone. But it became impossible. Not wanting to quit, but making a fool of myself by how slow I was, I hopped as fast and far as I could, then sprinted as fast as I could to catch up to everyone for the last set. It was such a disappointment. But there was nothing that could be done for it--I am no good at jumping, and I was not going to improve instantaneously. All I could do was try to keep my chin up, and push through it. After wards, we did a sprinting set where we all divided into three groups, rotating through. We would sit in various positions along the line of the court, then when the leader clapped (acting as a starting gun) we had to jump up as fast as possible and sprint across the gym. We went through perhaps 12 different limitations on standing up--at first, we just say normally and could stand any way we wished, then backwards, then on stomachs, on backs, no hands, etc. Among runners, I have a sluggish reaction time. So I was yet again always the last up. Because of that disadvantage (and I'm sure also because I do not have any speed yet), I was once again consistently last. But, as I explained to runners, at least it was running! That I can do! At the end for a little cool down (or just for fun, I have no idea) we divided into three teams to rotate through games of basketball. Though I was hesitant at first to take part, especially because the team is made of primarily guys, but it was actually very fun. More so because, for the first time since arriving here in Japan, it was a chance to participate in a team sport. I'm none too good at basketball, but I do my best, and later one of the girls actually complimented me which was nice to hear (even if I know my own skills at basketball are quite limited). So although I left practice feeling supremely humbled, everyone was quite patient and I was glad to have made it through. I biked home rather happily, practicing my no hands biking skills which have really blossomed while in Japan (I can even bike with no hands while standing now. That's a new development!). I got dinner, and prepared myself to not be able to move in the morning, knowing such jumping tom-foolery on my part would have consequences the next day!
On Wednesday I attended my class, then afterwards came back to my dorm to start work on an apple pie. It was a friend's birthday the next day, and I was meeting him that evening for dinner, so I wanted to give him a present. I tried to finish up little things like emails and writing applications while I baked the pie in the newly discovered microwave oven located in the lounge of the dorm. I thought all this time that it was just a normal microwave, but as it happens, it can also bake small things. I skyped home to my family while rolling out the pie, and so it was a little difficult to talk. Once the pie was done, I packed it into a bag in order to somehow balance it while biking. I was extremely on edge while attempting to transport it, and very protective of it. I could just picture myself crashing (or more likely, someone crashing into me) while carrying a pie. When I arrived at class, Diao-san gave me a little bag of candies. Her parents had sent some from her hometown in China and she was giving some to me! I was so happy. She is such a sweetheart. Very quiet, very intelligent, and very kind. Throughout class, I could smell the apple pie. Afterwards, my friend Joshua and I had dinner. Joshua, who is from Nigeria, had earlier offered to make a Nigerian meal for me. We ate this together. It involved a thick soup, and semolina. It was very delicious! However, I do always find myself a little uncomfortable in situations where I am alone with just one other person. I am a very self-conscious person, after all. But Joshua is very nice and very kind. He also shared some wellknown Nigerian music with me. I feel privileged to learn from him about a country I otherwise might have few opportunities to learn about. As I have explained before, my chances to travel outside of the U.S. are limited, I feel. In the past, I have never traveled because of the cost, and so I was reminded again of what a great privilege and honor it is to be a part of the Fulbright Program. I am very grateful to have met him. When I returned to the dorm, I spoke to Becca over hot chocolate. She mentioned that she had decided to go to Shiretoko that weekend with Kotaro. Shiretoko is the very eastern point of the island of Hokkaido, located on the pacific ocean. It is a place that I wanted to go very badly. Nonetheless, to be honest, I was very disappointed about this very sudden change. For about the past month and a half I have been so so so looking forward to seeing a bluegrass concert which was scheduled for that Saturday night. In fact, long ago Becca and I had agreed to go to this together. I have been diligently practicing the banjo every night possible in preparation for this concert, and in preparation to work up the courage to ask the members if they might be willing to teach me a little, in exchange for english lessons or whatever I could help with. Perhaps one thing that throws me off more than anything else is a sudden change in schedule. The fact that this change in schedule also took away the chance to attend the concert I had so dearly been looking forward to made things even more difficult. Becca had asked if I would like to go along to Shiretoko, and while of course I was very interested in this, I could not help but feel torn. A while earlier, Kotaro had invited us on this same trip, and we had declined in order to attend the concert and wondered if we could go on a trip the next weekend instead. However, that did not work for Kotaro's plans. I had assumed that things were set, but then the idea of a trip appeared again. I felt truly torn, and told Becca that I would try to decide in the next days what I would do. After that, Becca mentioned briefly that the apartment underneath Kotaro's had become available, and perhaps she would be interested. She asked what I thought about moving there as well. This just made my head spin--two very sudden things seemingly out of the blue. At that moment, while the prospect of a larger apartment was very appealing, I knew it was not a decision I could make so suddenly and then I would like to know more. I assumed that it would be a slower process, involving perhaps going to see the apartment, so I felt that I would have a little time to mull the idea over. Admittedly, my little hovel of a room has worn on me. I have bumped into the wall too many times, had too many fights with the single burner, and found that there is little space to keep everything organized. However, I have grown accustomed to the area and streets around it, to the grocery store, to my running routes, and of course to the ever-friendly and smiling Satoh-san. Furthermore, now that I have involved myself in track, I began to realize that with the snow, moving farther away would make it very troublesome (perhaps a half hour or more walk) to reach practices. Besides that, my current location even in bad weather is only about ten minutes away from the Agricultural Building on foot. And the experiments are literally in my backyard. So all in all, although my room is small, the building itself is clean and fairly new even if the outside is a bit shabby. And it is ten times better looking than the older dorms on campus. When I had first arrived here in Sapporo and first stepped into my tiny room, I felt that perhaps it would not work out. If you may remember, I looked longingly at the apartment buildings I could see from my window, with their nice balconies, actual living spaces, and freedom to invite guests over. I stayed because I was reassured by Becca that it was a nice situation, and I wanted to be near to her. I too conceded that it was not so bad, especially for the price. Now as I have become so accustomed to my surroundings, I found the prospect of leaving so suddenly to be rather undesirable. Perhaps if introduced to the idea more gradually it would not have been so off-setting. I returned to my room feeling confused, but still felt that there was time to make decisions.
On Thursday I attended my morning Kanji class. We had a quiz, and though I had tried to get studying done the night before, I had not been overly successful. I had even woke up extra early to go over the list again, but ended up dozing off until about 7:50AM! So I did not feel as confident. The quiz seemed to go alright, nonetheless. I enjoyed talking with Magali (as usual!). The sun was peeking out, and although all I wanted was to fall asleep after waking up early and getting to bed rather late, I steeled myself and changed into running clothes. I did not want to waste the sunlight! It was about 11AM, and therefore some of the best sunlight of the very short days here. Once I got going, as usual, I was happy to be running. I made a simple circle around the outskirts of the campus. While stopped at a traffic light on the opposite side of campus (the busier side, where there is always heavy pedestrian traffic) I looked across to the other side only to recognize Hanako-san on her bike! I was so surprised! She recognized me too, and so I darted across the street to say hello. She was, understandably, perplexed as to why I was out for a run when we would have practice that afternoon. I explained that I wanted to loosen up my legs (they were, as expected, rather sore after Tuesday's jumping extravaganza) but that of course I would be at practice. Also, I feel that it may be necessary for me to add in some runs on my own even on practice days, since the warm ups and cool downs are so short. Nothing ridiculous (I'm no distance runner, and that is for certain), but just to keep a little endurance up. When I got back, I was in a good mood from the run. At 2:30PM I was supposed to meet Becca to go together to a camping store. I've been hoping to find one, and as winter is fast showing its colors, we knew we would need to buy some actual winter boots. I have my hiking boots, and I hope to use them as long as I can, but they aren't especially warm though they have proven faithful to me! I was also in search of a special present for my dad. However, at about 1 o'clock while eating lunch cheerfully (food tastes best after a little work) and sitting at my desk I suddenly received a message from Becca stating that she was defining going to move. I was so shocked. It was so sudden and out of the blue. I had thought that we would at least go take a look at the apartment together. Or at least maybe discuss things a little more. Of course, it is not my place to make decisions for others. However, I had assumed that because I had been asked what I would think about moving that perhaps I would be involved a little in learning more about things. Admittedly, I had expressed hesitation the night before. Becca is a much more spontaneous person than I, and as I said, I respect that she also had a decision to make. I just wish I would have actually been given some information or chance to digest. I did not know how to respond, except that my first reaction was shock. And sadness. I spent the next hour or so not knowing what to do, not knowing what an appropriate reaction was, but overall feeling defeated. I did not know what I should say or how I should act going to meet to go to the camping store. I was hurt, though I understood that it had not been her intention to do so. I tried to think of how to express how I felt, but I did not want to risk saying anything wrong. I never want to burden others. I never want to interfere with others. But I so often end up hurt. I biked to meet up with Becca outside the Higher Education building. I could feel sadness creeping into my movements, and I biked slowly. It is one of only a handful of times here in Japan when sadness truly became heavy upon me. So whether I wanted to appear so or not, I am sure my reaction was quite visible. We biked together to the camping store, and this was more enjoyable to me. Perhaps one of the reasons I love camping stores is because of the potential that each item encompasses. Although such stores are always expensive, and the items therefore far out of reach, I like to think of the places I could go and the things I could do someday. In fact, I may now for the first time ever be able to purchase things that I have always dreamed of. Especially because my research involves traipsing through the woods, my stipend may go to legitimate use in a camping store. That prospect is exciting. My main goal at the store was looking for a present for my dad, and I was unsuccessful in this primarily because of my own indecisiveness. However, perhaps the highlight was locating what I can only call a sleeping bag suit. It is a sleeping bag with arms and legs just like a snow suit. My friend Sara some time ago had sent me a picture of someone curled up in one, knowing full well that only a goofball like me would want something so ridiculous. Becca and I tried it on. We agreed that if we have money left at the end of the year, maybe we will buy one just for fun. As we left, the reality of the situation began to return to me. I did not try hard to hide my feelings, because I do not think that I could have hidden them even if I had tried. As we biked back we passed the brilliantly gold ginkgo leaves covering the ground along a campus road. We took our pictures sitting in these beautiful leaves, then Becca suggested we go to the cafeteria bakery (which is delicious) and buy some "kuri pan." This is a magical invention--sweet, chocolate chip bread with chestnut cream inside. I admit to eating more of these than perhaps I ought to. But when they are warm, especially, they are so good. When we arrived we were lucky in that some had been freshly baked! Becca even ate two. I would have eaten a million, but I had to save mine because it was already close to 4PM and I had track practice at 4:40. It would be a shame to get an upset stomach and tarnish such a delicious treat. Standing outside the bakery, we began to talk about the situation. It was difficult for me to explain my sadness--how I felt that I would be left behind, and how sudden everything was. I wish I could have kept myself from tearing up. We parted ways, and I felt bad for expressing such sadness, but still hurt and not quite knowing what to do. I understood all of the reasons for wanting to move, and also that it had been no one's intention to hurt me. Still, that had been the result given the circumstances. Going to track practice, I was still in no good mood. Furthermore, it is already completely dark by the start of practice. Warming up, primarily on my own in the dark, I could not keep my mind from drifting to gloomy thoughts about the day. I could not keep myself focused on track and my purpose in the moment. The workout was 4x250m. This was not so hard, but I felt so slow, and out of shape. I returned to my dorm afterwards, made a quick dinner of eggs and rice, which helped me to warm up a bit from the very cold conditions at practice. At 8PM, I was to attend Joshua's birthday party at his dorm. The dorm complex that he and many of the HUSTEP program guys live in is somewhat of a labyrinth, in both layout and feeling. It was rather disheveled, and has seen quite a few years of hard use. But the interesting aspect is that there is a central lounge area, with a very high ceiling, and all sorts of manner of equipment and oddities, Japanese writing on the walls, and strange posters. It is a very interesting, slightly crazy, looking environment. Entering the building, I got turned around trying to find Joshua's wing of the building. Thank heavens that when I looked up, it was to Diao-san waving to me down the hall way! After taking many wrong turns, I was so immensely pleased to see her! She was also lost, and had asked a Japanese student for help. However, she speaks no Japanese, so was having a bit of trouble explaining. At last, we located Joshua. We all sat in the kitchen, and the cakes, and people gradually accumulated to the point that both were overflowing. All of us gathered in the kitchen initially introduced ourselves, and it was such an honor to meet so many people from so many places. There began to be so many people that we could not all fit, so we moved to the open space that I described previously. I stayed and talked primarily with Diao-san, though I was happy also to meet a number of others, as well as to talk to some of the HUSTEP students. It was a very happy occasion for everyone, and I could feel that friendly atmosphere throughout the room. It got to be 11 PM, and I really needed to get back to my dorm. I bid Diao-san, Joshua, and the others farewell, navigated myself out of the maze of the dorm (almost forgetting my shoes on the way out, fearing that I would never find them since they were in a different hallway), and then embarked into the cold night for the ride home. The air at night recently has been downright cold, even for me, such that I can feel the bite on my hands. I tried to warm up a bit, then fell asleep.
Friday was class again. I was still a bit frustrated about the dilemma of the trip, and deciding what to do. After class I stopped again to get some bread to try to cheer up. There was a lunch seminar about a machine called PIXE (Particle Induced X-ray Emission) that is available at Tokyo University and how it could possibly be applied to plant and forest research. After the seminar, I finally was able to ask Ogura-san for help with the last step (I hope!) of applying to present at the Japan Forestry Society in March. All in all, there were many little things to finish up that day if I were to suddenly go on a trip. I was also apprehensive about missing a whole weekend of track practices, especially since I am already unable to attend Wednesdays/Fridays due to class conflicts. I rather frantically emailed Hanako-san, the middle distance runner who is always helping me out, and explained the situation. A lot to do, and worried about missing track. In the afternoon, after sending some emails and writing some letters, I swung over to the post office about 3PM. When I was leaving, I looked up to see a student walking through the doors. We both did a double take--it was Tomomi-san, a sprinter on the Hokudai track team. It was fun to run into her, and to be recognized by someone. She is really energetic, and always hoping to learn new English vocabulary. She was one of the first people to excitedly say hello to me, in particular after hearing of my love for sprinting events. After the post office, I still have about an hour before my evening class. I decided to go to a book store for the first time. There is a very large book store on the route I walk to Sapporo Station. I have passed it numerous times, but never gone in. It is really big inside, but with huge windows so that you can see all the floors from the outside. There were so many books I was interested in. It is a rather dangerous place for me to go, since there are few books I am not interested in. My goal was to locate a present for my dad's birthday. But I also managed to find a tree guide for Hokkaido, which I anticipate will be quite invaluable to me. I made it to class with considerable time to spare, not realizing how quick it was to bike from the bookstore to class. I waited outside for a time, and then the professor passed by. He took one look, and then exclaimed with some confusion "I know you!" I also thought he had looked familiar. It turns out he was the supervisor for Maricle-san, whose PhD presentation I had attended. At the presentation, because myself and Mao-san arrived just before it was about to start, most seats were taken except for those in the front. So I had sat right in the front, probably quite un-Japanese like. We talked for a time, and I even exchanged my business card. Much like Koike-sensei, he also was very friendly. His presentation gave me some background on Japanese government and global warming, which I have been very curious about. It seems that because the Japanese prime ministers tend to have short careers--that is, they switch frequently, or retire--there is little pressure on these figures to fulfill their environmental promises. For example, apparently the prime minister in 2006(?) stated that he would cut carbon emissions by 25% or so percent of Japan's 1999 levels by 2015. That same year, he retired, however. So of course nothing came of this extremely ambitious statement, and he probably made the statement knowing full well that he would not be forced to see it through. I am still interested, as well, to know how Japanese citizens feel about environmental responsibility and global warming. Of course I am sure that it varies significantly person to person, similar to the United States. What I have gathered so far, though, is that in general (on a nation-wide survey level) Japanese people consider forests to be most important in disaster prevention, not so much for concerns about biodiversity. Carbon sequestration is starting to become a major association as well. During class I received a message from Becca that Kotaro-san would be coming to pick us up between 6-7PM. After receiving the OK from Hanako-san, assuring me that she understood that sometimes it would be necessary for me to miss practice and that it would not be a problem, I decided that I would be willing to go. I told Becca that I would be ready by 7PM. I got back to the dorm, packed a hasty bag of warm clothes, and then still feeling pretty stressed went with Becca to Kotaro's place. I was told to bring a swimsuit, which at the time perplexed me. At Kotaro's, I tried to help cook dinner, but generally just got in the way. My job was the simplest--just stir the vegetables. Kotaro-san's roommate, Zenta, had apparently made "terrible" rice, and so Kotaro-san wanted to find a creative way to salvage the meal. He made Korean nabe, and it turned out delicious. He put the "terrible" rice in the left over broth, and it was also very good! We were supposed to leave about 9PM, but it ended up being about 10PM. We drove all through the night, taking shifts. Namijyun and Becca drove first, and Kotaro-san a little as well. I was supposed to doze while they were all driving, but I am never very good at this, and I much prefer to look out the windows at the dark shapes, the sky, and to think. Late in the night (or rather, early in the morning) I offered to drive because I felt the least sleepy. Whenever I take off, I always do silly things like forget to turn on the lights. But once I get going, I do consider myself to be a decent driver. Namijyun and Becca fell asleep in the back, and for a while Kotaro-san stayed up to help me navigate. I consider myself the least trustworthy as far as navigating--I am prone to getting lost. However, there is a GPS in the car, and gradually I became accustomed and confident in using this. Sensing this, Kotaro asked if it was ok if he fell asleep too. I said it would be no problem, and actually rather enjoyed the feeling of independence in navigating and driving the car all by myself. I felt pressure, because by trusting me enough to fall asleep, everyone had also trusted me with their safety. So I drove carefully. Driving through the dark countryside, now and again there were spots which suddenly appeared so reminiscent of Minnesota. One of my biggest concerns while driving were other animals. I was on constant lookout for the green flash of eyes along the road. Now and again, I would see two bright green spots far ahead, and this was my sign that there was a fox along the road. Sometimes they would trot across, or just watch cautiously as I drove past them. Around 3:30/4AM, the roadside became lined with beautiful pine trees and forest. The more open countryside shifted to pine forest. The straight roads became more curved, and less flat. We seemed to be nearing the area of Akan-ko, which is mountainous and a well known resort area. The road, to my slight distress, was also fresh with snow. I was thankful at that moment to be a Minnesotan. Everyone was still asleep, and so I made a point of driving slowly, not trusting the tiny tires of the rented car, and not wanting to awake everyone by crashing into a snowy ditch. I also saw some magnificent deer. I have never in all my life seen a stag before--one appeared, after it had begun to snow, very suddenly in the darkness along the shoulder. His head was arrayed with a crown of huge antlers. He just stood and watched, then turned and ran away into the woods. It began to snow, in fact, and the trees were laden with light, new snow. I had been watching the gas levels with concern while driving, having mentioned to Kotaro when I took the wheel that it was only at about a quarter tank and that we may need to stop. At that time, he had agreed but admitted there was not much to be done since there were no gas stations open until the morning. So I had driven on, keeping a close eye on the needle, and on signs for towns.As we neared Akan-ko, Becca woke up and I informed her of my concern about the gas. I felt that we needed to stop, since there was only the resort town of Akan-ko left before our destination, which I felt was too far away to reach. Kotaro was in a rather sleepy and unhelpful (I would say grumpy) state when we woke him to ask what he suggested we do. Becca and I decided to take the turn to Akan-ko. By this time it was almost 5AM. Akan-ko is certainly a resort town, very, very small, with a street occupied primarily by Ainu souvenir trinket shops on one side and a Ryokan on the other, on the shores of Akan-ko (Lake Akan). We parked at the conbini. A fox wandered through the parking lot. It was bitter cold when we climbed out of the car, most of us wrapped in blankets, to wander in the dark through the small, empty street. We went to the shore of the lake. It was dead quiet, except for us, complaining of the cold, shivering, and jumping around to stay warm. I could see venus shining brightly in the sky. At first, the shapes of mountains around the lake were only dark, black forms, hidden from sight. A middle-aged man wandered by, and came to speak with us. He had apparently biked through much of Japan in his youth, and had returned to Akan-ko now an older man. He was very friendly, and Namijyun patiently spoke with him. I did my best to speak, as well (and to pretend that I could understand all of his Japanese aftr he scolded Namijyun for not knowing English while commending that I had already learned Japanese!). The skyline slowly shifted from black, to slight blue. The stars became fainter, and the mountains almost suddenly were true mountains, and much nearer than I had known. It was not quite sunrise, but the others were cold, and we decided to get on the road. First we grabbed some snacks from the conbini, at some clementines, and some onigiri (Kotaro had prepared it, and folks had been snacking on little onigiri 'rice balls' throughout the night), and I gave to reigns to Kotaro. We still had less gas than I was comfortable with, but none of the stations would be open until 8AM and Kotaro did not seem patient enough to wait. We continued driving and driving, the sun rising, and the land shifting again to fields. We reached the next town, but it was still between 6 and 7AM. We pulled into one, with so little gas, but it remained roped off. I suggested that we simply wait. This is what I would have preferred. But Kotaro decided to try to make for the next town. On what I am sure could not have been more than fumes, Kotaro drove slowly to the next town. I was completely on edge and rather frustrated not to simply wait. I had little desire to become stranded on the roadside. Somehow, and against all wisdom, they managed to inch into a station--a 24 hour station, in fact, that had appeared "as if sent by the gods." I did not want to encourage their recklessness by being excited over such luck. It wasn't an especially good idea, and one cannot always rely on such incredible luck. It was still only about 7:30AM, though, and we had the whole day ahead of us, open for adventure. Becca and I dozed a little in the back. It seems that we were going to head to a marshland, the biggest in Japan. It was gray, windy, and I was a bit cold. I was also in no great mood, because my mind was still on the recent news of Becca's decision to move. So combining the chilly weather and my overall sadness, I was hesitant to show considerable joy. The landscape was quite beautiful, however. Though I could see smoke stacks in the distance. The road stop was empty, being so early in the morning. We explored the outside of the building, then followed a small trail into part of the woods overlooking the marsh. I would have liked to continue further on the trail, as would Becca, but the others were quite cold. We went back to the car and we were on to our next destination, an onsen. On the way, we pulled into the tiniest train station (just a little metal box really) that Kotaro and Namijyun were interested in seeing. As we came closer and closer to what I believe was Lake Kussharo, the air smelled like sulfurous--like rotten eggs. Outside the window there was a steaming rocky hill, so sulfurous that some of the smoke was even yellowish green. I have never seen such a place. The area around it was bog like, and the plants short and tough, probably because of the acidity of the soil. We drove on towards where the many onsen were. But none opened until 1 or 2PM and it was only about 10AM. We drove a little ways more, and stopped at an absolutely delicious bakery/art shop. It was so small, and in the middle of no where, but some of the best bread I have had in Japan. I bought a little wooden spoon here, that I plan to use for camping. We were all so happy from the delicious bread. Kotaro had glanced at a small map, and we were going to drive to what was described as a free, open air spring. We passed a little wooden torii on the way, and the beautiful landscape. When we pulled up to Lake Kussharo, it truly was a spring constructed of rocks right on the shore of the lake. The lake shore was surrounded by swans. There were two little wooden buildings to change in. This was the reason for the swimsuits. Though there was a large boulder separating the men's and women's side of the little pool, it was really one pool. It was so incredible. For perhaps the first time on the trip, I was truly happy, despite the many sad thoughts still close on my mind. How could I not be happy in such an astounding place? It was a place out of dreams! Out of fantasy! I could not have asked for a more amazing place. At first I was dubious that we would not freeze when told to change into a swimsuit in such cold weather, and outside too. Nonetheless, we changed in the little hut. I hesitantly stepped out, and then we got into the little pool ("rotenburou"=open air bath/outside bath). It was the perfect temperature. Even though the skies were cloudy, and it began to sprinkle so lightly, we were not cold. What an incredible place. And to be surrounded by mountains across the lake, and swans even! We listened to their noisy conversations around us. As I sat in the warm water, I fully expected to awake from a lengthy dream. I thought "yes, this will be it. This will be the moment that I wake up and learn that this whole time in Japan has been a dream. It is too good to be true." I still feel this way occasionally--a profound sense of disbelief. I do not know if I can express fully how surprised I am, still, to have been given this amazing experience of traveling to Japan. I never expected to be able to see such places. At 1PM, Kotaro-san was to have an interview with a woodworker. He is writing his graduation thesis on woodworking. We all changed back into our clothes. I peeped into the little tiny wooden building near where we had parked. It was full of hand carved wooden owls and sculptures. I would have liked to talk to the owner more--he had carved everything, and had built the outdoor bath himself. He feeds the swans, and showed us some beautiful pictures of the winter. I felt that it was a little rude of us not to talk to him more, but Becca reminded me that Kotaro needed to arrive to his interview in time. I think that, since this older man constructed the bath and gave such a great gift of letting others use it for free, it is a shame we did not stop in earlier. The man that Kotaro was to interview lived in a wooden cabin maybe 20 minutes or so away. We pulled off the main road, onto a smaller dirt road surrounded by trees. I am admittedly jealous of this man's home! Truly the abode of a woodworker, though. Everything was made of wood. While we were all waiting for it to become 1PM, sitting in the car, the man noticed and came out to greet us. Kotaro and Namijyun went in to do the interview. Kotaro entrusted the car to Becca and I, with instructions to go explore so we would not be bored. We looked at the GPS map a bit, and aimed for the points that were labeled mountains on the map. We tried to locate roads, and when at last we thought we had found one that would lead us up these large hills, we encountered a fallen tree blocking the way. We turned around and attempted to reach the large butte (perhaps that is what you would describe it) that we had spied with such reverence earlier in the drive. Becca described it as being straight out of Rohan from the Lord of the Rings. I agreed completely. I wanted desperately to climb to the top, but knew that there would not be time. We needed to be back to retrieve Kotaro and Namijyun by the end of their interview at about 2:45. So instead, keeping our eyes on the butte, we followed the roads that seemed to approach it, driving by sight and an occasional glace at the map. We drove through magnificent farm land, surrounded by the beautiful forms of hills and mountains. Hokkaido's mountains have a tendency to take queer and unexpected shapes, and they are each unique. One looked like bears ears, some like fingers, or thumbs. Others are conelike, or crooked. I saw tractors and worked fields, observing it all closely in order to report back to my dad. The clouds were breaking in the silvery sunlight along the mountains. At last, it seemed we could come no closer, having taken a small muddy road. We parked, and walked the rest of the road up the hill. This opened into a breathtaking grassy, green hill, spreading before us like a plain. If a team of horsemen had ridden over the hill top, I would not have been surprised. The grass was cut low, it seems from the grazing of deer (or perhaps cattle, though there were no fences). As we climbed the brilliant green slopes, we could see out across the land and the mountains before us, as well as the lake. We returned to the car, feeling accomplished in our little adventure. We arrived back at the cabin on time, but even by 3PM Kotaro did not emerge. We dozed a little, guessing that the interview must have been going well. Just as I nodded off, my face looking silly I am sure, Kotaro appeared at the window of the car. He told us we should come inside. Feeling a little groggy, we followed him into the cabin. The middle aged woodworker was inside, as well as a neighbor (son?) and his very young and adorable daughter. The inside of the cabin was just as lovely as the outside. I would like to live in just such a home, someday. We sat at the table, and Kotaro, Namijyun and the woodworker talked enthusiastically together about furniture making. I did my best to follow along, but admittedly I understood very little (much to my frustration). I would have liked so much to speak as well. When I mentioned that I was from Minnesota after being asked, the woodworker retrieved some old slides (how nostalgic, I really do love slides) since he had visited Minnesota long ago. He could not find them, but we learned that he had taken a long canoe trip across the U.S.--if I understood correctly--and that he was a very well-traveled man in his youth. He made us tea as well. Becca and I were very hungry, having not stopped for a proper meal all day, and so as the time dragged on we became secretly impatient. Not being able to understand much, I regrettably was also quite impatient but tried to remain polite. I knew Kotaro and Namijyun were really enjoying the chance to speak with the woodworker, and that was important. Outside, it had begun to pour loudly. Finally, as the conversation began to wrap up, the woodworker offered Kotaro and Namijyun each their choice of a book. They were so excited. The woodworker signed them, even. I could relate to their excitement, and was very happy for them. While the younger man, who I assume is a neighbor, was still at the cabin he asked if we had a place to stay. In fact, we did not, which we had all been a little concerned about. The man informed us that in fact he managed a little lodge, and that we should stay there! And for FREE! He had drawn us a map. In the cold rain, we departed from the woodworker's cabin in search of a place to eat dinner in the small town. It was dark, and almost everything was closed although it was only about 6PM. We were beginning to lose hope for dinner when we pulled up to a very cute, wooden cafe and spied the waitress just shutting up the door. Kotaro rolled down the window and asked if they were closing. This incredibly kind woman, who had just closed up, said that we could park and come in. I was so relieved and amazed. We sat down at the wooden tables--the whole interior of the building was beautiful polished wood, with christmas lights outside--and looked through the menus. About the only vegetarian options were pizzas. But they were handmade and looked quite delicious (one was cheese/potato and the other mozzerella). Becca and I ordered one each, then cut them in half so we got part of both kinds. The woman was the only one at the cafe, and she had made all of our meals by hand! I am still shocked by this. I wished that Japan accepted tips, because she deserved about a %75 tip for her kindness and delicious food. As we were finishing up and preparing to go, and while speaking with Becca, I felt as though our conversation had somehow gone awry. I was confused by the defensiveness of her tone, rather out of the blue. Sometimes I just let such things slide, but in fact I was quite insulted by the implications of what she had said to me, and the way she spoke. So I paid my bill, and after we got into the car, I screwed up the courage to ask if something I had said upset her. The response and subsequent revelation took me by such surprise it was almost unfathomable to me. It was a response that not in a million years had I anticipated. I will not describe the conversation here, except to say that I was surprised by its content, and extremely upset. It brought to light some opinions that took me by surprise, and hurt my feelings by their unexpected revelation and, I felt, unjust application. When we pulled up to the little lodge in the dark, I was still upset, but awestruck by how amazing the building was and how fortunate we were to be allowed to stay there! I had to keep checking that we really getting to stay there for free because I could not believe it. We brought in our bags. They started up the heater, because it was cold. Though I tried, nonetheless I could not hide how upset I was. Kotaro commented that I should go to sleep straight away, because he mistook my somewhat teary eyes for sleepy ones. I did not know what to do, because I did not want to start crying so inexplicably in front of Kotaro and Namijyun, or to spoil what should be a wonderful evening, and so a kind gift of staying in the lodge. All I wanted to do was run away. If it had not been for the rain, I might have. Fortunately, Kotaro and Namijyun left to pick up some snacks. Not knowing where to go, I wandered upstairs and into a little bedroom to hide. Of course, I was found out. And for the best, I am sure. Becca and I had a long conversation and I shed quite a few tears. All of my sadness and reservations for coming on the trip came to light, and I explained for my part why I was so upset, and Becca also explained the reasons for her frustrations. I cannot and will not speak of the deeper content of our conversation in such a public forum, since I feel that would be disrespectful to expose rather private opinions and such a personal conversation. I will say only that in all situations, honesty of opinion is of the utmost importance. Therefore, I am deeply grateful to have been able to have a conversation. In disagreements, there is no greater tool than conversation. That is probably why I dislike most movies so much, because the conflict in the plot only moves forward where conversation is lacking. So despite my sadness that evening, I consider myself very fortunate nonetheless. I find disagreements awkward and unpleasant (who doesn't, I suppose), I try not to cause conflict, and do my best to soften my words so as to avoid them at great cost, and so I was grateful to be in good company. Embarassedly, I emerged from my hiding place at Becca's encouragement and tried to look less upset when I ventured back downstairs. Both Kotaro and Namijyun had taken a bath, and the water was still hot. Becca kindly let me go first so I could try to recover a bit of poise. I felt terrible at the prospect of causing the others worry, or potentially spoiling their evening. It was good to shower, to sit in the bath, and to be alone to think. The water was hot, and the bathroom so spacious. I put on my warm sweatshirt, and went out to sit at the table rather sheepishly while Namijyun and Kotaro ate snacks, drank beers, and discussed the woodwork of the table while Becca took her turn to bathe. We talked a little about snowboarding as well, and I embarrassed myself yet again with my poor Japanese language ability. Not long thereafter I went to bed. The room was so nice and warm, and cozy, and the comforter on the bed was so thick and fluffy. I fell asleep quickly after reading a bit, in the sudden and solid sleep that comes after a good cry.
I woke up to see the sunrise, then fell back asleep until about 8:30AM. By that time, it had unfortunately started to rain. I could hear the others stirring. I decided I would still attempt to go for a run, since I had brought my running clothes anyways, and I had spent so long sitting in a car. I put on my running clothes hesitantly, as well as my rain coat, then forced myself to step out the door into the rain. I wasn't especially excited about running in the cold rain, but once I got going it was very nice. I took the dirt road to the main road, which was fairly empty although a few cars whooshed past me. I ran along the shoulder, soaking in the farm fields, mountains, crossing a bridge over a little stream, and at last turning back. I felt more at peace, and I thought deeply about the night before. I found my own ideas and my confidence in myself to be strengthened by my thoughts. I felt more resolved, the deeper I thought, to live my life by the seven virtues that I hold so dear. I repeated to myself: Respect, Compassion, Humility, Courage, Wisdom, Generosity, and Honesty. These are the 7 virtues that I strive to live by. One without the others is futile. Let these virtues guide your mind and actions both--a kind heart without kind action or a kind action done with callous thoughts, neither accomplish true peace or integrity. I reminded myself of what a wonderful thing it is, to be humble and full of fascination on this earth. I am thankful that I went for a run, and to have a chance for such important reflection. I am grateful for the chance have renewed resolve, and confidence in who I am as a person. Though I am far from perfect, while in Japan I have grown not just to accept who I am, but to realize that I actually kind of like me, all problems aside! There is no better person to be than yourself. Though the rain was cold, I ran a little ways down the dirt road lined by pines, despite the mud and puddles, just to linger in that moment of crisp clarity and resolve. When I returned, the others had bathed a little. I took a quick shower. The others had cut up some apples and pears to eat for breakfast, and so I had a bite to eat as well. These were very yummy. We started packing up, and cleaning up--making sure everything looked spik and span, since it had been so nice of the owner to let us stay. We got into the car, and went over to the owner's home which was just about 100m away. We knocked on the door to say thank you to him and his darling family. I wanted to give them something to show my gratitude. But I had nothing to give. Then I remembered my phone, and the drawing I had made for the case. I scrambled to open the case before everyone could say goodbye. At the last moment I got it open, and gave the little drawing of a bear to the man's daughter. I hope that they liked it. I wanted so much to show my thankfulness. It was still raining lightly. We were headed now to the peninsula of Shiretoko. Becca drove for a time now. We were, in fact, approaching the pacific ocean! At last we spied it through the trees. Becca was so excited for it. She is a much more coastal person than I. Being born in bred in Minnesota, literally the center of a continent, I am still puzzled by oceans. They are a bit too big for me to fathom. I feel more connected to the land, although I have great reverence for the ocean. As we drove, it became more cold and windy with little wisps of snow amidst the rain drops. I learned a knew word, 'mizure', meaning 'sleet.' I would not quite call what we drove through to be true sleet, it was too light. But there was no other word for it. We stopped at a conbini to grab some warm drinks. Becca and I ventured behind it, to the rocky beach. It was probably private property, and strewn with garbage and discarded items. There was a large group of seagulls that I regrettably disturbed as well. I was very entranced by all of the stones on the beach. I have always been easily distracted by rocks. I will collect them for hours, if left unsupervised. I always pocket quite a few. There were some especially interesting green stones. Perhaps as vengeance for disturbing the seagulls, I got bird poop on my gloves while collecting stones and a splash of water on my shoes. We went back to the car and drove on to a fishing harbor. There were fishing boats packed everywhere, some quite large, and others very small. The scent of fish was rather strong. I do not actually have much fondness for the fishing industry of Japan, so I was not as excited as the others by all the boats. Still, it was a very interesting sight to sea, all the boats with their big nets and lights. We were supposed to take a road that skirted the outside of the whole peninsula of Shiretoko, but much to our dismay it was closed for the season. Fortunately, Becca managed to convince the guys to drive as far as we could. The wind was so sharp and cold when we jumped out with awe to look at some pointed rocks in the waves below. There were thin waterfalls along the rocks and forests to our left, and the ocean coastline to our right (with far off islands just visible in the grey mist). Gazing to my left into the depth of rippling mountains, grey clouds, and spectacular oaks clinging to the slopes, I wanted desperately to turn down these roads and head through the land. But I also enjoyed going along the coast, a face of this earth I am exciting to come to know better. When we at last reached to farthest point, we got out to walk around on the rocky shore. Then we had to turn back. We wanted to make it back to the world's best bakery, where we had eaten bread the day before. The drive back seemed to take quite a bit longer. It began to snow considerably, and by the time we had returned to the little onsen town near the lodge, the landscape was quite different. To our immense dismay, the bakery was all sold out by the time we made it back. I especially felt bad for the crestfallen Kotaro, especially because it was our dilly-dallying at the coast which had come between him and a mouthful of delicious bread. But we bought some souvenirs nonetheless. Across the street there was a cafe famous for its good food, but we had just missed the cut off for meals there, as well! Fortunately, they offered to put together the food that they had left. So we ended up with sandwiches on yummy flaky bread, as well as a truly scrumptious hand-made pizza. I can only imagine how incredible the actual meals are!! I bought some walnut cookies here as well, and when we got back to the car I shared them.They were so good--a little spicy, hard but not too hard, and almost dissolved in your mouth. I wish I had asked for the recipe! I also bought some green tea cookies to give to Koike-sensei. The drive back was quite harrowing in the snow, going up the tight curves of mountains in the dark. I can sense the changes in elevation in my ears (they are so sensitive to pressure changes) so I could tell as we began our climbs and descents. Kotaro, who was our fearless driver for this stretch, took the danger with a smile. His more lighthearted attitude in what was otherwise a rather tense situation was rather admirable. We listened to the artist, Macklemore, as we made the slow progress back towards Akanko. I said that I would switch drive for a time, since I had not driven since the day before. The snow had fortunately stopped by the time I took the wheel, although I was still nervous about the snow on the roads. As I learned, we were actually not yet headed back to Sapporo. In a town perhaps two hours away from Sapporo, we were actually going to meet one of Kotaro and Namijyun's friends at an Izakaya (bar-like restaurant). I wasn't especially excited to learn this, since it was already around 9PM. I also don't especially like Izakaya, because they are full of smoke, beer, and meat. The friend they met was very nice, however. And Kotaro is also always very considerate to try to look out for us vegetarians. I was actually a little pleasantly surprised when he explained that not only do I not eat meat, but I am quite strict about it and don't even enjoy the taste anymore. This is true. I have such close associations now between meat and flesh (sorry to gross others out), that I have no desire to eat it whatsoever. I often explain that when I did eat meat, I had not great love of it and that is one of the reasons it was easy for me to give, but this is not entirely true. Actually, it was mostly just hamburgers that I never liked. I can still remember a time when I thought of turkey, chicken, roast beef, and especially gyros as delicious. The taste of gyros, indeed, are my one weakness. But I am staunch in my vow not to eat meat, and I refuse to break it intentionally. Anyways, seitan gyros taste better than meat gyros though they are hard to find! I will eat fish now and again, but I do my best to avoid it because there are few products in Japan that do not secretly harbor fish. It is also meat, and as I have pointed out, the Japanese fishing business is the most notorious in the world. As it became later and later, I felt myself feeling impatient to get on the road and back to Sapporo. I disliked the smokey air, although the imo-dango (a potato-like cake) that I ate almost made up for it. While the others were talking, I overheard in their conversation more information regarding the living arrangement of the apartment Becca would be moving to. I had not known that Becca and Kotaro would be moving in together. I realized at that moment that there is so little I am actually told, and I began to slip away into my own thoughts, becoming consumed by them and also my secret impatience to leave. Only that day had I come to terms with Becca leaving, and so to suddenly obtain this new piece of information, I was very sad. I thought we had much more than 2 hours ahead of us, actually, so it was a relief when I found out we were that close to Sapporo. The roads were slow and snowy as we drove back. I sat in back, left to my own contemplations, as I watched the snow outside. Finally, we arrived back in Sapporo. There was snow everywhere. We got to the dorm at about 2am. This is where I will stop for the moment, although it is a week behind. To write so much at once might overwhelm those of you reading, so I will break up what I have written so that it is not such a huge amount to read. More to come!
P.S. "Shiretoko" is Ainu for the end of the earth. It is also one of the farthest points east in Japan.
P.P.S. Hi Frieda! I love you!
On Saturday morning, I had 9:15am track practice. Thankfully, the rain had stopped. It was sunny and pleasant. I even thought it was hot, in the direct light. The workout was 4x2x250m. The pacing for these workouts is always "as fast as you can." I am having trouble adjusting to this, because at most of my practices you are given goal times and paces which you are expected to meet. The rest between each set was a lengthy 15 minutes again, however! At this point, I am grateful for the long rest, because I am no where near the shape I want to be in before I can call myself a track athlete again. My body doesn't quite know how to react. At the end of my track career, I think my body gradually accepted the reality that it may never see a track race again (well, not NEVER because I promised Abby Smith that I would compete with her in the Masters series, for older folks. And I am always scheming of ways to sneak into races, anyways.). I wonder a little if my body let go of its track memories forever. I'm crossing my fingers that I can recover at least a little speed. I want so desperately to improve my times, although I know that this will be harder than ever in a new environment, with a new team, and with new practice methods. Still, that does not overshadow the fact that it is an incredible, and rare, opportunity to have the privilege to compete. The weather was so beautiful, as I was cooling down I was considering a long bike ride to the ocean. I also wanted to help cheer up Becca, who has been going through a difficult time this past week. Hanako-san asked me if I would be ready for lunch, and I explained the plans I had been considering. She was surprised, and told me that today was my welcome party! I had mixed up the days (I always mix up the Japanese words for Saturday and Sunday)! So of course I needed to go with! I had really been looking forward to this, so it was a pleasant surprise! It was about 11:30AM by the end of practice, and Hanako-san said she would meet me at 12:30 at the large Yodobashi Camera store, which is a landmark for me and many others. Then we would bike together. Hanako-san and all of the track girls are so ridiculously nice. The plan was to go to what is called a "dessert buffet"!!!! Since I don't eat meat, and since I said that I like cake, they had decided this would be a good choice and I could not have agreed more! The restaurant was off of Oodori, in a popular shopping area, and was called Shall We Sweets. In addition to a glass cabinet full of little cake squares you could select, there was also pasta, salads, little pizzas, and other lunch foods. What is more, there was sweet green tea, waffles, crepes, and icecream as well! And you could eat as much as you want, within the about a 40 minute time span! It was incredible! I tried to keep my excitement under control, but secretly I was so pleased and happy. Everyone was so kind, and I have really been astounded by how welcomed everyone made me feel. Goodness gracious, it was a happy meal, full of smiling faces. I am so grateful to everyone, and especially Hanako-san, who has helped me all the time. After eating, we biked back towards Yodobashi Camera--the sun was still pleasantly shining, the weather crisp but not cold, and golden leaves skirting across the sidewalks. I returned to my dorm to finish up some work, feeling extremely content. I still had not heard back from Becca all day, though, and this made me worried for her. I had told her in the morning that if she needed anything, or wanted to go to dinner or talk with me, she could call anytime. It got to be about 6PM, and I decided she must be preoccupied, and so I had just gotten ready to go pick up some cooking supplies to make dinner when I received a message asking if I was still interested in dinner. Of course, I was! We went to the Indian restaurant, and so it was round two of delicious food. Truly, a good day by the judgement of my stomach. I wanted to make sure Becca felt that she could talk to me about her troubles. I am not sure if I have been very helpful for her, but I hope so. I often do not know what to do or say, being (as I have referred to myself lately, "miserly" and "hermit-like"). But I am wishing her the best. This evening, the waiter even gave us free pieces of naan! We decided that, undoubtedly, we would bring the restaurant some Christmas presents. I enjoyed biking back with Becca that evening, and I hope so much that I was able to lighten her situation even just a bit. Although I myself can be rather morose at times, I do my best to wear a smile. Because it is true that being sad is not worth the time--though of course it cannot always be controlled, nor should you hold back your sadness when that is the case. But there is something to be said for putting on a smile. Therefore, the least I can do is to share a smile. And the more you smile, the happier you become.
On Sunday morning, it was morning track practice again. The weather was sunny again, and so I really lucked out. It felt so good to see pleasant weather, after a week of simply awful rain. When I asked what the workout was for the day, I almost couldn't believe it. It was 4x1200m. But then I reasoned, it is probably meant to be paced carefully. I asked what the speed should be--as fast as you can! I couldn't keep myself from looking incredulous. But I said I would do my best! Anyways, I am secretly very stubborn about challenges, and enjoy them. When given a challenging workout, though it can be frightening, usually I just meet it with a grin. It is sort of the feeling of "I dare you to be too difficult." Or the feeling of looking at a steep cliff and thinking, I bet I can get to the top, just watch me. I can't quite describe it, but I really enjoy a challenge. That being said, MID-challenge, my body usually has other opinions. There was still 12 minutes of rest in between sets, and this was yet again a saving grace. The first three sets I managed alright--not going as fast as I would like, to be sure, but keeping within a meter of Hanako-san. I always have a little bit of breath left to cheer on whoever I am running with, so coming into the last curve I always tried to say "faito!" (fight!) or "dekimasu!" (you can do it!). The last set, though I had felt the usual twinge of excitement, my legs had other ideas. The gap between Hanako-san and I widened on the second lap, and finishing the third lap I was about 50m behind. I wasn't cheering that time! So embarrassing. But I did my best to wear a smile. I had done my best, and there's not much more I can do. Improvement, I suspect, will be slow in appearing this year. I thanked Hanako-san for her help. That morning, I had received a humorous email from Koike-sensei telling me to please "harvest" the potatoes, peanuts, and sweet potatoes growing wild around the experiments. So after practice, I changed into some work clothes, retrieved the shovel from the secret cabinet (with use of the equally secret hidden key, which Koike-sensei had showed me). I had hoped that Becca would join me. Unfortunately, she didn't. It would have been more fun with company, but it was still so wonderful. While planting the seedlings that week, Koike-sensei had suddenly stepped out of the way and pulled up a peanut plant, explaining that they were growing wild all over the place, along with the potatoes. I did not catch the explanation of why exactly. I felt odd digging around next to the experiments--I felt nervous that someone might think I was messing with the research, even though I am supposed to be there. But once I actually managed to dig up some potatoes, I was so stunned! They were actually there, growing amongst the grass and plants alongside the paths. I pushed the shovel into the ground again, next to what I was half-way sure was a potato plant, and sure enough there were heaps of little potatoes in the dirt. I got all messy, but the harvest was successful as far as potatoes go. I only managed to find one peanut (literally, one). The sweet potatoes remained illusive. I couldn't find anything that looked like them, though they may even now be hiding out beneath the ground. After cleaning up, I brought my experimental potatoes back to the room. I received a message from Becca asking if I wanted to try to go study in a coffee shop. So I quickly changed out of most of the dirt (I actually ended up getting mud all over, which is not really that hard when you consider that I can reach almost all parts of my room by standing in the center). We were going to try to find a Starbucks to study in, though I have no love of coffee. They were all packed for whatever unfortunate reason. But we stopped and I got a piece of pumpkin cake instead of coffee. It was too hectic to study there, so next we tried the library, but this too was busy. Kotaro-san, who Becca had been asking for advice, told her that we should just come study at his place. I was hesitant, because I knew that it would not really be possible to be efficient in such a setting despite Becca's assiduousness. But I conceded anyways, because I have not really gotten to see much of Kotaro-san and his friends lately. We swung by the dorm and I picked up my laptop, which I rarely bring around since it is not sleek or especially light. For the first part, we were all fairly quiet. I still did not accomplish much, and our dedication degraded the longer we were there, to the point that we really were just talking and planning trips by the end. My suspicions had been correct. But I found it so kind yet again that Kotaro-san cooked dinner!
Monday is the only day of the week I can sleep in, and so it was such a relief. I woke up casually, at about 9:30AM. I didn't have to rush to eat or change or run out the door. I could move leisurely. I ate breakfast slowly, took a shower, and tried to get some things written and finished. Outside, it started to rain as it got closer to noon. And I had a surprise. While generally procrastinating on facebook, my good friend Sara noticed that I was dinking around. She finally sent me her skype name (Sara!) and we got to see each other for the first time in months! What a goof ball. I couldn't help but be smiley and happy to talk with her. She described my face on skype exactly how she had imagined I look when talking on a phone--that being, confused. I showed her my banjo, discussed plans for how she had better come visit, talked about my fitful plans for future education, foods, biking around in Japan and the general absent-minded recklessness of Japanese bikers, and all sorts of random things. I forget how it is to talk so naturally with someone. After that, I needed to get back to work. I didn't accomplish all that much, regrettably. I was supposed to fill out my application form for the Japan Forest Society, but because it is all written in kanji, Koike-sensi suggested I ask Nana-san (who is Chinese, but because of the similarity of the characters, is far more literate than I). At about 4:30PM, I met her at the Agricultural building. We had a heck of a time trying to work with the finicky online application, and trying to translate my abstract since it would not accept the original english version. Eventually, we were able to submit a shortened version. It was frustrating, but Nana-san is really patient and funny, so it worked out in the end. It took much longer than the original 10 minutes it ought to have--in fact, about an hour. I went back to the dorm, changed quickly, wrote down the track lifting sheet and general strength, and then I was off to the gym to meet Magali to lift weights together. As I was leaving the dorm, I passed Becca walking back with Kotaro-san. Becca had said she would also meet us at the gym, so I called out her name. She came shortly after, and I met Magali at 6:30. We got started with the lifting sheet that I had. I did my best to remember what all the odd names for the exercises meant. I kept saying that it is written in secret Olaf code. What we accomplished was relatively simple, and it felt extremely strange to go through the motions of exercises which were once, and so recently, familiar but now difficult to remember alone. Magali is so cheerful and ambitious, so it was a fun evening. Becca joined us too, and Magali had to leave by 7:30PM, so afterwards I waited a little bit for Becca to finish, and revealed to her how embarrassingly inflexible I am when it comes to stretches. In the evening, after getting back, and cooking dinner of eggs, potatoes, and rice (I must say, CO2 enriched potatoes taste just fine!), Becca and I met up for milk tea, some music, and I showed the slow but steady progress I have been making on the banjo.
On Tuesday I woke up early to finish kanji homework. After class, I ran into Becca. She was going to work on assignments in the library. I did not have my laptop with me, and needed to work on some applications, so I opted to return to my room. However, I procrastinated by playing banjo. I find that I get so easily distracted when in my room. But at the same time, I do not focus well in groups of people. I work best when I am on my own. By about noon, however, I decided to join Becca at the library. I clearly was not finishing much on my own, especially with the temptation of playing the banjo. I brought my laptop, sat down with Becca at her table, and opened up the blank document which I have been trying for so long to fill with words. At the moment, I could add no more than the prompt. So unfortunately, even at the library I was not especially productive. I do think I need to be completely alone to work the best--but as I said, this too leads me to give into distracting things. After a little while, Kotaro showed up. He sat reading a book, while Becca was generally productive in getting her reading done, and I was anything but. Outside, the weather was bright, and I so dislike to be indoors on such days. A little after 1PM, Kotaro and Becca wanted to go to lunch. If I am honest, I felt a little awkward joining them, especially after I learned that Kotaro wanted to go to a different restaurant, not just the Shokudou (university cafeteria). I felt as though perhaps he wanted me to leave, so he could have lunch with Becca. I have no way of knowing for sure, and to be certain Kotaro is a very nice guy, but this was the distinct sense that my admittedly self-conscious person perceived. In any case, I was becoming extremely stressed that I had wasted not just the time that morning, but also that I had finished nothing on my application papers the night before. Feeling a little down, and frustrated about the situation, I went back to dorm to try to work harder. I ate an apple and peanut butter (which I consume too much of), and tried again. Very surprisingly, at about 3:30 PM my cell phone rang. Though I did not recognize the number, I knew that the area code was for Sapporo. I very rarely receive phone calls, because they are expensive and most people in order to save money use email (and occasionally text messaging). I decided to pick up the phone, knowing it could be Koike-sensei, or some other important entity trying to reach me. In fact, it was Tashiro-san from the Agricultural School office. She has a very soft and somewhat shy demeanor, and in this way explained to me that there was somebody from Sappachi honey at the office wondering if I was there. Sappachi is the honey farm, if you remember, on top of a building in Sapporo. Becca and I had met one of the workers during the Autumn festival, and had agreed much to their excitement to volunteer if they needed help. At that time, I had given them my business card so that they could contact us. Tashiro-san also sounded a bit confused--though not quite as confused as I! Previously, I had received an email from Sappachi asking if I was interested in helping at a small event in a few weeks. This, I assume, was the purpose of the visit. She asked if I was in the lab, but unfortunately I was in my dorm and it was getting close to when I needed to get ready for track practice. Tashiro-san asked if I had time to come meet with them and I knew that it would be too rushed so I explained to her that I was very sorry for the trouble (I had no idea they would come to Hokudai to seek me, I had assumed they would email or call) but I could not come at that time. Instead, I gave them my phone number and told them to call me at any time. Then I did my best to write a polite email in Japanese apologizing for the trouble. I feel so bad that they came all the way to campus to find me! The older lady who we had met is very nice, and I imagined how disappointed she might have been. I really do want to volunteer, though! At 4:30PM I had track practice. We were meeting in a new place for me, the gym off of mainstreet which I had up until locating the real gym believed to be the primary athletics center. Hanako-san met me outide, and showed me where to go once indoors. This gym, compared to the fairly dilapidated main gym, is quite new. However, I do not think there is a weight room. As far as I could observe, in fact, there are only locker rooms and a big basketball court. The practice, as I gradually learned, would involve a lot of jumping exercises. Little did I know just how difficult it would be for me. First we warmed up (too little running, in my opinion) then I did drills for what always seems like an excessive amount of time. We all circled up and the captain announced the workout. From what I could collect, boy was I nervous. It was indeed jumping. A lot of jumping. We all lined up along the basketball court. The first time across the whole court we were to jump holding one leg up to our chest (or in my case, holding one leg). Then we switched legs, and hopped back to the start. Without pausing to rest, we were to switch to holding our foot behind our back and jump all the way across and back (switching feet half way). I found even this first set of going down and back twice to be so difficult. I am dreadful--and I mean dreadful--at most things involving jumping. When you combine flexibility, I'm done for. I am notoriously inflexible. So from the start, I was not only the last one to reach the other side, but also extremely silly looking. I had no idea how long we would keep this up. As it turns out, we did about 5 (6?) sets! With every set, my whole body became worn to the point that I could barely hop as I reached the end. And I was always the last person. It was absolutely embarrassing. At some point, even I must admit to my physical limitations. I knew I would not be able to make it through all the sets. The coach was watching practice from across the gym, and I wanted so badly to keep up at least a decent image in front of everyone. But it became impossible. Not wanting to quit, but making a fool of myself by how slow I was, I hopped as fast and far as I could, then sprinted as fast as I could to catch up to everyone for the last set. It was such a disappointment. But there was nothing that could be done for it--I am no good at jumping, and I was not going to improve instantaneously. All I could do was try to keep my chin up, and push through it. After wards, we did a sprinting set where we all divided into three groups, rotating through. We would sit in various positions along the line of the court, then when the leader clapped (acting as a starting gun) we had to jump up as fast as possible and sprint across the gym. We went through perhaps 12 different limitations on standing up--at first, we just say normally and could stand any way we wished, then backwards, then on stomachs, on backs, no hands, etc. Among runners, I have a sluggish reaction time. So I was yet again always the last up. Because of that disadvantage (and I'm sure also because I do not have any speed yet), I was once again consistently last. But, as I explained to runners, at least it was running! That I can do! At the end for a little cool down (or just for fun, I have no idea) we divided into three teams to rotate through games of basketball. Though I was hesitant at first to take part, especially because the team is made of primarily guys, but it was actually very fun. More so because, for the first time since arriving here in Japan, it was a chance to participate in a team sport. I'm none too good at basketball, but I do my best, and later one of the girls actually complimented me which was nice to hear (even if I know my own skills at basketball are quite limited). So although I left practice feeling supremely humbled, everyone was quite patient and I was glad to have made it through. I biked home rather happily, practicing my no hands biking skills which have really blossomed while in Japan (I can even bike with no hands while standing now. That's a new development!). I got dinner, and prepared myself to not be able to move in the morning, knowing such jumping tom-foolery on my part would have consequences the next day!
On Wednesday I attended my class, then afterwards came back to my dorm to start work on an apple pie. It was a friend's birthday the next day, and I was meeting him that evening for dinner, so I wanted to give him a present. I tried to finish up little things like emails and writing applications while I baked the pie in the newly discovered microwave oven located in the lounge of the dorm. I thought all this time that it was just a normal microwave, but as it happens, it can also bake small things. I skyped home to my family while rolling out the pie, and so it was a little difficult to talk. Once the pie was done, I packed it into a bag in order to somehow balance it while biking. I was extremely on edge while attempting to transport it, and very protective of it. I could just picture myself crashing (or more likely, someone crashing into me) while carrying a pie. When I arrived at class, Diao-san gave me a little bag of candies. Her parents had sent some from her hometown in China and she was giving some to me! I was so happy. She is such a sweetheart. Very quiet, very intelligent, and very kind. Throughout class, I could smell the apple pie. Afterwards, my friend Joshua and I had dinner. Joshua, who is from Nigeria, had earlier offered to make a Nigerian meal for me. We ate this together. It involved a thick soup, and semolina. It was very delicious! However, I do always find myself a little uncomfortable in situations where I am alone with just one other person. I am a very self-conscious person, after all. But Joshua is very nice and very kind. He also shared some wellknown Nigerian music with me. I feel privileged to learn from him about a country I otherwise might have few opportunities to learn about. As I have explained before, my chances to travel outside of the U.S. are limited, I feel. In the past, I have never traveled because of the cost, and so I was reminded again of what a great privilege and honor it is to be a part of the Fulbright Program. I am very grateful to have met him. When I returned to the dorm, I spoke to Becca over hot chocolate. She mentioned that she had decided to go to Shiretoko that weekend with Kotaro. Shiretoko is the very eastern point of the island of Hokkaido, located on the pacific ocean. It is a place that I wanted to go very badly. Nonetheless, to be honest, I was very disappointed about this very sudden change. For about the past month and a half I have been so so so looking forward to seeing a bluegrass concert which was scheduled for that Saturday night. In fact, long ago Becca and I had agreed to go to this together. I have been diligently practicing the banjo every night possible in preparation for this concert, and in preparation to work up the courage to ask the members if they might be willing to teach me a little, in exchange for english lessons or whatever I could help with. Perhaps one thing that throws me off more than anything else is a sudden change in schedule. The fact that this change in schedule also took away the chance to attend the concert I had so dearly been looking forward to made things even more difficult. Becca had asked if I would like to go along to Shiretoko, and while of course I was very interested in this, I could not help but feel torn. A while earlier, Kotaro had invited us on this same trip, and we had declined in order to attend the concert and wondered if we could go on a trip the next weekend instead. However, that did not work for Kotaro's plans. I had assumed that things were set, but then the idea of a trip appeared again. I felt truly torn, and told Becca that I would try to decide in the next days what I would do. After that, Becca mentioned briefly that the apartment underneath Kotaro's had become available, and perhaps she would be interested. She asked what I thought about moving there as well. This just made my head spin--two very sudden things seemingly out of the blue. At that moment, while the prospect of a larger apartment was very appealing, I knew it was not a decision I could make so suddenly and then I would like to know more. I assumed that it would be a slower process, involving perhaps going to see the apartment, so I felt that I would have a little time to mull the idea over. Admittedly, my little hovel of a room has worn on me. I have bumped into the wall too many times, had too many fights with the single burner, and found that there is little space to keep everything organized. However, I have grown accustomed to the area and streets around it, to the grocery store, to my running routes, and of course to the ever-friendly and smiling Satoh-san. Furthermore, now that I have involved myself in track, I began to realize that with the snow, moving farther away would make it very troublesome (perhaps a half hour or more walk) to reach practices. Besides that, my current location even in bad weather is only about ten minutes away from the Agricultural Building on foot. And the experiments are literally in my backyard. So all in all, although my room is small, the building itself is clean and fairly new even if the outside is a bit shabby. And it is ten times better looking than the older dorms on campus. When I had first arrived here in Sapporo and first stepped into my tiny room, I felt that perhaps it would not work out. If you may remember, I looked longingly at the apartment buildings I could see from my window, with their nice balconies, actual living spaces, and freedom to invite guests over. I stayed because I was reassured by Becca that it was a nice situation, and I wanted to be near to her. I too conceded that it was not so bad, especially for the price. Now as I have become so accustomed to my surroundings, I found the prospect of leaving so suddenly to be rather undesirable. Perhaps if introduced to the idea more gradually it would not have been so off-setting. I returned to my room feeling confused, but still felt that there was time to make decisions.
On Thursday I attended my morning Kanji class. We had a quiz, and though I had tried to get studying done the night before, I had not been overly successful. I had even woke up extra early to go over the list again, but ended up dozing off until about 7:50AM! So I did not feel as confident. The quiz seemed to go alright, nonetheless. I enjoyed talking with Magali (as usual!). The sun was peeking out, and although all I wanted was to fall asleep after waking up early and getting to bed rather late, I steeled myself and changed into running clothes. I did not want to waste the sunlight! It was about 11AM, and therefore some of the best sunlight of the very short days here. Once I got going, as usual, I was happy to be running. I made a simple circle around the outskirts of the campus. While stopped at a traffic light on the opposite side of campus (the busier side, where there is always heavy pedestrian traffic) I looked across to the other side only to recognize Hanako-san on her bike! I was so surprised! She recognized me too, and so I darted across the street to say hello. She was, understandably, perplexed as to why I was out for a run when we would have practice that afternoon. I explained that I wanted to loosen up my legs (they were, as expected, rather sore after Tuesday's jumping extravaganza) but that of course I would be at practice. Also, I feel that it may be necessary for me to add in some runs on my own even on practice days, since the warm ups and cool downs are so short. Nothing ridiculous (I'm no distance runner, and that is for certain), but just to keep a little endurance up. When I got back, I was in a good mood from the run. At 2:30PM I was supposed to meet Becca to go together to a camping store. I've been hoping to find one, and as winter is fast showing its colors, we knew we would need to buy some actual winter boots. I have my hiking boots, and I hope to use them as long as I can, but they aren't especially warm though they have proven faithful to me! I was also in search of a special present for my dad. However, at about 1 o'clock while eating lunch cheerfully (food tastes best after a little work) and sitting at my desk I suddenly received a message from Becca stating that she was defining going to move. I was so shocked. It was so sudden and out of the blue. I had thought that we would at least go take a look at the apartment together. Or at least maybe discuss things a little more. Of course, it is not my place to make decisions for others. However, I had assumed that because I had been asked what I would think about moving that perhaps I would be involved a little in learning more about things. Admittedly, I had expressed hesitation the night before. Becca is a much more spontaneous person than I, and as I said, I respect that she also had a decision to make. I just wish I would have actually been given some information or chance to digest. I did not know how to respond, except that my first reaction was shock. And sadness. I spent the next hour or so not knowing what to do, not knowing what an appropriate reaction was, but overall feeling defeated. I did not know what I should say or how I should act going to meet to go to the camping store. I was hurt, though I understood that it had not been her intention to do so. I tried to think of how to express how I felt, but I did not want to risk saying anything wrong. I never want to burden others. I never want to interfere with others. But I so often end up hurt. I biked to meet up with Becca outside the Higher Education building. I could feel sadness creeping into my movements, and I biked slowly. It is one of only a handful of times here in Japan when sadness truly became heavy upon me. So whether I wanted to appear so or not, I am sure my reaction was quite visible. We biked together to the camping store, and this was more enjoyable to me. Perhaps one of the reasons I love camping stores is because of the potential that each item encompasses. Although such stores are always expensive, and the items therefore far out of reach, I like to think of the places I could go and the things I could do someday. In fact, I may now for the first time ever be able to purchase things that I have always dreamed of. Especially because my research involves traipsing through the woods, my stipend may go to legitimate use in a camping store. That prospect is exciting. My main goal at the store was looking for a present for my dad, and I was unsuccessful in this primarily because of my own indecisiveness. However, perhaps the highlight was locating what I can only call a sleeping bag suit. It is a sleeping bag with arms and legs just like a snow suit. My friend Sara some time ago had sent me a picture of someone curled up in one, knowing full well that only a goofball like me would want something so ridiculous. Becca and I tried it on. We agreed that if we have money left at the end of the year, maybe we will buy one just for fun. As we left, the reality of the situation began to return to me. I did not try hard to hide my feelings, because I do not think that I could have hidden them even if I had tried. As we biked back we passed the brilliantly gold ginkgo leaves covering the ground along a campus road. We took our pictures sitting in these beautiful leaves, then Becca suggested we go to the cafeteria bakery (which is delicious) and buy some "kuri pan." This is a magical invention--sweet, chocolate chip bread with chestnut cream inside. I admit to eating more of these than perhaps I ought to. But when they are warm, especially, they are so good. When we arrived we were lucky in that some had been freshly baked! Becca even ate two. I would have eaten a million, but I had to save mine because it was already close to 4PM and I had track practice at 4:40. It would be a shame to get an upset stomach and tarnish such a delicious treat. Standing outside the bakery, we began to talk about the situation. It was difficult for me to explain my sadness--how I felt that I would be left behind, and how sudden everything was. I wish I could have kept myself from tearing up. We parted ways, and I felt bad for expressing such sadness, but still hurt and not quite knowing what to do. I understood all of the reasons for wanting to move, and also that it had been no one's intention to hurt me. Still, that had been the result given the circumstances. Going to track practice, I was still in no good mood. Furthermore, it is already completely dark by the start of practice. Warming up, primarily on my own in the dark, I could not keep my mind from drifting to gloomy thoughts about the day. I could not keep myself focused on track and my purpose in the moment. The workout was 4x250m. This was not so hard, but I felt so slow, and out of shape. I returned to my dorm afterwards, made a quick dinner of eggs and rice, which helped me to warm up a bit from the very cold conditions at practice. At 8PM, I was to attend Joshua's birthday party at his dorm. The dorm complex that he and many of the HUSTEP program guys live in is somewhat of a labyrinth, in both layout and feeling. It was rather disheveled, and has seen quite a few years of hard use. But the interesting aspect is that there is a central lounge area, with a very high ceiling, and all sorts of manner of equipment and oddities, Japanese writing on the walls, and strange posters. It is a very interesting, slightly crazy, looking environment. Entering the building, I got turned around trying to find Joshua's wing of the building. Thank heavens that when I looked up, it was to Diao-san waving to me down the hall way! After taking many wrong turns, I was so immensely pleased to see her! She was also lost, and had asked a Japanese student for help. However, she speaks no Japanese, so was having a bit of trouble explaining. At last, we located Joshua. We all sat in the kitchen, and the cakes, and people gradually accumulated to the point that both were overflowing. All of us gathered in the kitchen initially introduced ourselves, and it was such an honor to meet so many people from so many places. There began to be so many people that we could not all fit, so we moved to the open space that I described previously. I stayed and talked primarily with Diao-san, though I was happy also to meet a number of others, as well as to talk to some of the HUSTEP students. It was a very happy occasion for everyone, and I could feel that friendly atmosphere throughout the room. It got to be 11 PM, and I really needed to get back to my dorm. I bid Diao-san, Joshua, and the others farewell, navigated myself out of the maze of the dorm (almost forgetting my shoes on the way out, fearing that I would never find them since they were in a different hallway), and then embarked into the cold night for the ride home. The air at night recently has been downright cold, even for me, such that I can feel the bite on my hands. I tried to warm up a bit, then fell asleep.
Friday was class again. I was still a bit frustrated about the dilemma of the trip, and deciding what to do. After class I stopped again to get some bread to try to cheer up. There was a lunch seminar about a machine called PIXE (Particle Induced X-ray Emission) that is available at Tokyo University and how it could possibly be applied to plant and forest research. After the seminar, I finally was able to ask Ogura-san for help with the last step (I hope!) of applying to present at the Japan Forestry Society in March. All in all, there were many little things to finish up that day if I were to suddenly go on a trip. I was also apprehensive about missing a whole weekend of track practices, especially since I am already unable to attend Wednesdays/Fridays due to class conflicts. I rather frantically emailed Hanako-san, the middle distance runner who is always helping me out, and explained the situation. A lot to do, and worried about missing track. In the afternoon, after sending some emails and writing some letters, I swung over to the post office about 3PM. When I was leaving, I looked up to see a student walking through the doors. We both did a double take--it was Tomomi-san, a sprinter on the Hokudai track team. It was fun to run into her, and to be recognized by someone. She is really energetic, and always hoping to learn new English vocabulary. She was one of the first people to excitedly say hello to me, in particular after hearing of my love for sprinting events. After the post office, I still have about an hour before my evening class. I decided to go to a book store for the first time. There is a very large book store on the route I walk to Sapporo Station. I have passed it numerous times, but never gone in. It is really big inside, but with huge windows so that you can see all the floors from the outside. There were so many books I was interested in. It is a rather dangerous place for me to go, since there are few books I am not interested in. My goal was to locate a present for my dad's birthday. But I also managed to find a tree guide for Hokkaido, which I anticipate will be quite invaluable to me. I made it to class with considerable time to spare, not realizing how quick it was to bike from the bookstore to class. I waited outside for a time, and then the professor passed by. He took one look, and then exclaimed with some confusion "I know you!" I also thought he had looked familiar. It turns out he was the supervisor for Maricle-san, whose PhD presentation I had attended. At the presentation, because myself and Mao-san arrived just before it was about to start, most seats were taken except for those in the front. So I had sat right in the front, probably quite un-Japanese like. We talked for a time, and I even exchanged my business card. Much like Koike-sensei, he also was very friendly. His presentation gave me some background on Japanese government and global warming, which I have been very curious about. It seems that because the Japanese prime ministers tend to have short careers--that is, they switch frequently, or retire--there is little pressure on these figures to fulfill their environmental promises. For example, apparently the prime minister in 2006(?) stated that he would cut carbon emissions by 25% or so percent of Japan's 1999 levels by 2015. That same year, he retired, however. So of course nothing came of this extremely ambitious statement, and he probably made the statement knowing full well that he would not be forced to see it through. I am still interested, as well, to know how Japanese citizens feel about environmental responsibility and global warming. Of course I am sure that it varies significantly person to person, similar to the United States. What I have gathered so far, though, is that in general (on a nation-wide survey level) Japanese people consider forests to be most important in disaster prevention, not so much for concerns about biodiversity. Carbon sequestration is starting to become a major association as well. During class I received a message from Becca that Kotaro-san would be coming to pick us up between 6-7PM. After receiving the OK from Hanako-san, assuring me that she understood that sometimes it would be necessary for me to miss practice and that it would not be a problem, I decided that I would be willing to go. I told Becca that I would be ready by 7PM. I got back to the dorm, packed a hasty bag of warm clothes, and then still feeling pretty stressed went with Becca to Kotaro's place. I was told to bring a swimsuit, which at the time perplexed me. At Kotaro's, I tried to help cook dinner, but generally just got in the way. My job was the simplest--just stir the vegetables. Kotaro-san's roommate, Zenta, had apparently made "terrible" rice, and so Kotaro-san wanted to find a creative way to salvage the meal. He made Korean nabe, and it turned out delicious. He put the "terrible" rice in the left over broth, and it was also very good! We were supposed to leave about 9PM, but it ended up being about 10PM. We drove all through the night, taking shifts. Namijyun and Becca drove first, and Kotaro-san a little as well. I was supposed to doze while they were all driving, but I am never very good at this, and I much prefer to look out the windows at the dark shapes, the sky, and to think. Late in the night (or rather, early in the morning) I offered to drive because I felt the least sleepy. Whenever I take off, I always do silly things like forget to turn on the lights. But once I get going, I do consider myself to be a decent driver. Namijyun and Becca fell asleep in the back, and for a while Kotaro-san stayed up to help me navigate. I consider myself the least trustworthy as far as navigating--I am prone to getting lost. However, there is a GPS in the car, and gradually I became accustomed and confident in using this. Sensing this, Kotaro asked if it was ok if he fell asleep too. I said it would be no problem, and actually rather enjoyed the feeling of independence in navigating and driving the car all by myself. I felt pressure, because by trusting me enough to fall asleep, everyone had also trusted me with their safety. So I drove carefully. Driving through the dark countryside, now and again there were spots which suddenly appeared so reminiscent of Minnesota. One of my biggest concerns while driving were other animals. I was on constant lookout for the green flash of eyes along the road. Now and again, I would see two bright green spots far ahead, and this was my sign that there was a fox along the road. Sometimes they would trot across, or just watch cautiously as I drove past them. Around 3:30/4AM, the roadside became lined with beautiful pine trees and forest. The more open countryside shifted to pine forest. The straight roads became more curved, and less flat. We seemed to be nearing the area of Akan-ko, which is mountainous and a well known resort area. The road, to my slight distress, was also fresh with snow. I was thankful at that moment to be a Minnesotan. Everyone was still asleep, and so I made a point of driving slowly, not trusting the tiny tires of the rented car, and not wanting to awake everyone by crashing into a snowy ditch. I also saw some magnificent deer. I have never in all my life seen a stag before--one appeared, after it had begun to snow, very suddenly in the darkness along the shoulder. His head was arrayed with a crown of huge antlers. He just stood and watched, then turned and ran away into the woods. It began to snow, in fact, and the trees were laden with light, new snow. I had been watching the gas levels with concern while driving, having mentioned to Kotaro when I took the wheel that it was only at about a quarter tank and that we may need to stop. At that time, he had agreed but admitted there was not much to be done since there were no gas stations open until the morning. So I had driven on, keeping a close eye on the needle, and on signs for towns.As we neared Akan-ko, Becca woke up and I informed her of my concern about the gas. I felt that we needed to stop, since there was only the resort town of Akan-ko left before our destination, which I felt was too far away to reach. Kotaro was in a rather sleepy and unhelpful (I would say grumpy) state when we woke him to ask what he suggested we do. Becca and I decided to take the turn to Akan-ko. By this time it was almost 5AM. Akan-ko is certainly a resort town, very, very small, with a street occupied primarily by Ainu souvenir trinket shops on one side and a Ryokan on the other, on the shores of Akan-ko (Lake Akan). We parked at the conbini. A fox wandered through the parking lot. It was bitter cold when we climbed out of the car, most of us wrapped in blankets, to wander in the dark through the small, empty street. We went to the shore of the lake. It was dead quiet, except for us, complaining of the cold, shivering, and jumping around to stay warm. I could see venus shining brightly in the sky. At first, the shapes of mountains around the lake were only dark, black forms, hidden from sight. A middle-aged man wandered by, and came to speak with us. He had apparently biked through much of Japan in his youth, and had returned to Akan-ko now an older man. He was very friendly, and Namijyun patiently spoke with him. I did my best to speak, as well (and to pretend that I could understand all of his Japanese aftr he scolded Namijyun for not knowing English while commending that I had already learned Japanese!). The skyline slowly shifted from black, to slight blue. The stars became fainter, and the mountains almost suddenly were true mountains, and much nearer than I had known. It was not quite sunrise, but the others were cold, and we decided to get on the road. First we grabbed some snacks from the conbini, at some clementines, and some onigiri (Kotaro had prepared it, and folks had been snacking on little onigiri 'rice balls' throughout the night), and I gave to reigns to Kotaro. We still had less gas than I was comfortable with, but none of the stations would be open until 8AM and Kotaro did not seem patient enough to wait. We continued driving and driving, the sun rising, and the land shifting again to fields. We reached the next town, but it was still between 6 and 7AM. We pulled into one, with so little gas, but it remained roped off. I suggested that we simply wait. This is what I would have preferred. But Kotaro decided to try to make for the next town. On what I am sure could not have been more than fumes, Kotaro drove slowly to the next town. I was completely on edge and rather frustrated not to simply wait. I had little desire to become stranded on the roadside. Somehow, and against all wisdom, they managed to inch into a station--a 24 hour station, in fact, that had appeared "as if sent by the gods." I did not want to encourage their recklessness by being excited over such luck. It wasn't an especially good idea, and one cannot always rely on such incredible luck. It was still only about 7:30AM, though, and we had the whole day ahead of us, open for adventure. Becca and I dozed a little in the back. It seems that we were going to head to a marshland, the biggest in Japan. It was gray, windy, and I was a bit cold. I was also in no great mood, because my mind was still on the recent news of Becca's decision to move. So combining the chilly weather and my overall sadness, I was hesitant to show considerable joy. The landscape was quite beautiful, however. Though I could see smoke stacks in the distance. The road stop was empty, being so early in the morning. We explored the outside of the building, then followed a small trail into part of the woods overlooking the marsh. I would have liked to continue further on the trail, as would Becca, but the others were quite cold. We went back to the car and we were on to our next destination, an onsen. On the way, we pulled into the tiniest train station (just a little metal box really) that Kotaro and Namijyun were interested in seeing. As we came closer and closer to what I believe was Lake Kussharo, the air smelled like sulfurous--like rotten eggs. Outside the window there was a steaming rocky hill, so sulfurous that some of the smoke was even yellowish green. I have never seen such a place. The area around it was bog like, and the plants short and tough, probably because of the acidity of the soil. We drove on towards where the many onsen were. But none opened until 1 or 2PM and it was only about 10AM. We drove a little ways more, and stopped at an absolutely delicious bakery/art shop. It was so small, and in the middle of no where, but some of the best bread I have had in Japan. I bought a little wooden spoon here, that I plan to use for camping. We were all so happy from the delicious bread. Kotaro had glanced at a small map, and we were going to drive to what was described as a free, open air spring. We passed a little wooden torii on the way, and the beautiful landscape. When we pulled up to Lake Kussharo, it truly was a spring constructed of rocks right on the shore of the lake. The lake shore was surrounded by swans. There were two little wooden buildings to change in. This was the reason for the swimsuits. Though there was a large boulder separating the men's and women's side of the little pool, it was really one pool. It was so incredible. For perhaps the first time on the trip, I was truly happy, despite the many sad thoughts still close on my mind. How could I not be happy in such an astounding place? It was a place out of dreams! Out of fantasy! I could not have asked for a more amazing place. At first I was dubious that we would not freeze when told to change into a swimsuit in such cold weather, and outside too. Nonetheless, we changed in the little hut. I hesitantly stepped out, and then we got into the little pool ("rotenburou"=open air bath/outside bath). It was the perfect temperature. Even though the skies were cloudy, and it began to sprinkle so lightly, we were not cold. What an incredible place. And to be surrounded by mountains across the lake, and swans even! We listened to their noisy conversations around us. As I sat in the warm water, I fully expected to awake from a lengthy dream. I thought "yes, this will be it. This will be the moment that I wake up and learn that this whole time in Japan has been a dream. It is too good to be true." I still feel this way occasionally--a profound sense of disbelief. I do not know if I can express fully how surprised I am, still, to have been given this amazing experience of traveling to Japan. I never expected to be able to see such places. At 1PM, Kotaro-san was to have an interview with a woodworker. He is writing his graduation thesis on woodworking. We all changed back into our clothes. I peeped into the little tiny wooden building near where we had parked. It was full of hand carved wooden owls and sculptures. I would have liked to talk to the owner more--he had carved everything, and had built the outdoor bath himself. He feeds the swans, and showed us some beautiful pictures of the winter. I felt that it was a little rude of us not to talk to him more, but Becca reminded me that Kotaro needed to arrive to his interview in time. I think that, since this older man constructed the bath and gave such a great gift of letting others use it for free, it is a shame we did not stop in earlier. The man that Kotaro was to interview lived in a wooden cabin maybe 20 minutes or so away. We pulled off the main road, onto a smaller dirt road surrounded by trees. I am admittedly jealous of this man's home! Truly the abode of a woodworker, though. Everything was made of wood. While we were all waiting for it to become 1PM, sitting in the car, the man noticed and came out to greet us. Kotaro and Namijyun went in to do the interview. Kotaro entrusted the car to Becca and I, with instructions to go explore so we would not be bored. We looked at the GPS map a bit, and aimed for the points that were labeled mountains on the map. We tried to locate roads, and when at last we thought we had found one that would lead us up these large hills, we encountered a fallen tree blocking the way. We turned around and attempted to reach the large butte (perhaps that is what you would describe it) that we had spied with such reverence earlier in the drive. Becca described it as being straight out of Rohan from the Lord of the Rings. I agreed completely. I wanted desperately to climb to the top, but knew that there would not be time. We needed to be back to retrieve Kotaro and Namijyun by the end of their interview at about 2:45. So instead, keeping our eyes on the butte, we followed the roads that seemed to approach it, driving by sight and an occasional glace at the map. We drove through magnificent farm land, surrounded by the beautiful forms of hills and mountains. Hokkaido's mountains have a tendency to take queer and unexpected shapes, and they are each unique. One looked like bears ears, some like fingers, or thumbs. Others are conelike, or crooked. I saw tractors and worked fields, observing it all closely in order to report back to my dad. The clouds were breaking in the silvery sunlight along the mountains. At last, it seemed we could come no closer, having taken a small muddy road. We parked, and walked the rest of the road up the hill. This opened into a breathtaking grassy, green hill, spreading before us like a plain. If a team of horsemen had ridden over the hill top, I would not have been surprised. The grass was cut low, it seems from the grazing of deer (or perhaps cattle, though there were no fences). As we climbed the brilliant green slopes, we could see out across the land and the mountains before us, as well as the lake. We returned to the car, feeling accomplished in our little adventure. We arrived back at the cabin on time, but even by 3PM Kotaro did not emerge. We dozed a little, guessing that the interview must have been going well. Just as I nodded off, my face looking silly I am sure, Kotaro appeared at the window of the car. He told us we should come inside. Feeling a little groggy, we followed him into the cabin. The middle aged woodworker was inside, as well as a neighbor (son?) and his very young and adorable daughter. The inside of the cabin was just as lovely as the outside. I would like to live in just such a home, someday. We sat at the table, and Kotaro, Namijyun and the woodworker talked enthusiastically together about furniture making. I did my best to follow along, but admittedly I understood very little (much to my frustration). I would have liked so much to speak as well. When I mentioned that I was from Minnesota after being asked, the woodworker retrieved some old slides (how nostalgic, I really do love slides) since he had visited Minnesota long ago. He could not find them, but we learned that he had taken a long canoe trip across the U.S.--if I understood correctly--and that he was a very well-traveled man in his youth. He made us tea as well. Becca and I were very hungry, having not stopped for a proper meal all day, and so as the time dragged on we became secretly impatient. Not being able to understand much, I regrettably was also quite impatient but tried to remain polite. I knew Kotaro and Namijyun were really enjoying the chance to speak with the woodworker, and that was important. Outside, it had begun to pour loudly. Finally, as the conversation began to wrap up, the woodworker offered Kotaro and Namijyun each their choice of a book. They were so excited. The woodworker signed them, even. I could relate to their excitement, and was very happy for them. While the younger man, who I assume is a neighbor, was still at the cabin he asked if we had a place to stay. In fact, we did not, which we had all been a little concerned about. The man informed us that in fact he managed a little lodge, and that we should stay there! And for FREE! He had drawn us a map. In the cold rain, we departed from the woodworker's cabin in search of a place to eat dinner in the small town. It was dark, and almost everything was closed although it was only about 6PM. We were beginning to lose hope for dinner when we pulled up to a very cute, wooden cafe and spied the waitress just shutting up the door. Kotaro rolled down the window and asked if they were closing. This incredibly kind woman, who had just closed up, said that we could park and come in. I was so relieved and amazed. We sat down at the wooden tables--the whole interior of the building was beautiful polished wood, with christmas lights outside--and looked through the menus. About the only vegetarian options were pizzas. But they were handmade and looked quite delicious (one was cheese/potato and the other mozzerella). Becca and I ordered one each, then cut them in half so we got part of both kinds. The woman was the only one at the cafe, and she had made all of our meals by hand! I am still shocked by this. I wished that Japan accepted tips, because she deserved about a %75 tip for her kindness and delicious food. As we were finishing up and preparing to go, and while speaking with Becca, I felt as though our conversation had somehow gone awry. I was confused by the defensiveness of her tone, rather out of the blue. Sometimes I just let such things slide, but in fact I was quite insulted by the implications of what she had said to me, and the way she spoke. So I paid my bill, and after we got into the car, I screwed up the courage to ask if something I had said upset her. The response and subsequent revelation took me by such surprise it was almost unfathomable to me. It was a response that not in a million years had I anticipated. I will not describe the conversation here, except to say that I was surprised by its content, and extremely upset. It brought to light some opinions that took me by surprise, and hurt my feelings by their unexpected revelation and, I felt, unjust application. When we pulled up to the little lodge in the dark, I was still upset, but awestruck by how amazing the building was and how fortunate we were to be allowed to stay there! I had to keep checking that we really getting to stay there for free because I could not believe it. We brought in our bags. They started up the heater, because it was cold. Though I tried, nonetheless I could not hide how upset I was. Kotaro commented that I should go to sleep straight away, because he mistook my somewhat teary eyes for sleepy ones. I did not know what to do, because I did not want to start crying so inexplicably in front of Kotaro and Namijyun, or to spoil what should be a wonderful evening, and so a kind gift of staying in the lodge. All I wanted to do was run away. If it had not been for the rain, I might have. Fortunately, Kotaro and Namijyun left to pick up some snacks. Not knowing where to go, I wandered upstairs and into a little bedroom to hide. Of course, I was found out. And for the best, I am sure. Becca and I had a long conversation and I shed quite a few tears. All of my sadness and reservations for coming on the trip came to light, and I explained for my part why I was so upset, and Becca also explained the reasons for her frustrations. I cannot and will not speak of the deeper content of our conversation in such a public forum, since I feel that would be disrespectful to expose rather private opinions and such a personal conversation. I will say only that in all situations, honesty of opinion is of the utmost importance. Therefore, I am deeply grateful to have been able to have a conversation. In disagreements, there is no greater tool than conversation. That is probably why I dislike most movies so much, because the conflict in the plot only moves forward where conversation is lacking. So despite my sadness that evening, I consider myself very fortunate nonetheless. I find disagreements awkward and unpleasant (who doesn't, I suppose), I try not to cause conflict, and do my best to soften my words so as to avoid them at great cost, and so I was grateful to be in good company. Embarassedly, I emerged from my hiding place at Becca's encouragement and tried to look less upset when I ventured back downstairs. Both Kotaro and Namijyun had taken a bath, and the water was still hot. Becca kindly let me go first so I could try to recover a bit of poise. I felt terrible at the prospect of causing the others worry, or potentially spoiling their evening. It was good to shower, to sit in the bath, and to be alone to think. The water was hot, and the bathroom so spacious. I put on my warm sweatshirt, and went out to sit at the table rather sheepishly while Namijyun and Kotaro ate snacks, drank beers, and discussed the woodwork of the table while Becca took her turn to bathe. We talked a little about snowboarding as well, and I embarrassed myself yet again with my poor Japanese language ability. Not long thereafter I went to bed. The room was so nice and warm, and cozy, and the comforter on the bed was so thick and fluffy. I fell asleep quickly after reading a bit, in the sudden and solid sleep that comes after a good cry.
I woke up to see the sunrise, then fell back asleep until about 8:30AM. By that time, it had unfortunately started to rain. I could hear the others stirring. I decided I would still attempt to go for a run, since I had brought my running clothes anyways, and I had spent so long sitting in a car. I put on my running clothes hesitantly, as well as my rain coat, then forced myself to step out the door into the rain. I wasn't especially excited about running in the cold rain, but once I got going it was very nice. I took the dirt road to the main road, which was fairly empty although a few cars whooshed past me. I ran along the shoulder, soaking in the farm fields, mountains, crossing a bridge over a little stream, and at last turning back. I felt more at peace, and I thought deeply about the night before. I found my own ideas and my confidence in myself to be strengthened by my thoughts. I felt more resolved, the deeper I thought, to live my life by the seven virtues that I hold so dear. I repeated to myself: Respect, Compassion, Humility, Courage, Wisdom, Generosity, and Honesty. These are the 7 virtues that I strive to live by. One without the others is futile. Let these virtues guide your mind and actions both--a kind heart without kind action or a kind action done with callous thoughts, neither accomplish true peace or integrity. I reminded myself of what a wonderful thing it is, to be humble and full of fascination on this earth. I am thankful that I went for a run, and to have a chance for such important reflection. I am grateful for the chance have renewed resolve, and confidence in who I am as a person. Though I am far from perfect, while in Japan I have grown not just to accept who I am, but to realize that I actually kind of like me, all problems aside! There is no better person to be than yourself. Though the rain was cold, I ran a little ways down the dirt road lined by pines, despite the mud and puddles, just to linger in that moment of crisp clarity and resolve. When I returned, the others had bathed a little. I took a quick shower. The others had cut up some apples and pears to eat for breakfast, and so I had a bite to eat as well. These were very yummy. We started packing up, and cleaning up--making sure everything looked spik and span, since it had been so nice of the owner to let us stay. We got into the car, and went over to the owner's home which was just about 100m away. We knocked on the door to say thank you to him and his darling family. I wanted to give them something to show my gratitude. But I had nothing to give. Then I remembered my phone, and the drawing I had made for the case. I scrambled to open the case before everyone could say goodbye. At the last moment I got it open, and gave the little drawing of a bear to the man's daughter. I hope that they liked it. I wanted so much to show my thankfulness. It was still raining lightly. We were headed now to the peninsula of Shiretoko. Becca drove for a time now. We were, in fact, approaching the pacific ocean! At last we spied it through the trees. Becca was so excited for it. She is a much more coastal person than I. Being born in bred in Minnesota, literally the center of a continent, I am still puzzled by oceans. They are a bit too big for me to fathom. I feel more connected to the land, although I have great reverence for the ocean. As we drove, it became more cold and windy with little wisps of snow amidst the rain drops. I learned a knew word, 'mizure', meaning 'sleet.' I would not quite call what we drove through to be true sleet, it was too light. But there was no other word for it. We stopped at a conbini to grab some warm drinks. Becca and I ventured behind it, to the rocky beach. It was probably private property, and strewn with garbage and discarded items. There was a large group of seagulls that I regrettably disturbed as well. I was very entranced by all of the stones on the beach. I have always been easily distracted by rocks. I will collect them for hours, if left unsupervised. I always pocket quite a few. There were some especially interesting green stones. Perhaps as vengeance for disturbing the seagulls, I got bird poop on my gloves while collecting stones and a splash of water on my shoes. We went back to the car and drove on to a fishing harbor. There were fishing boats packed everywhere, some quite large, and others very small. The scent of fish was rather strong. I do not actually have much fondness for the fishing industry of Japan, so I was not as excited as the others by all the boats. Still, it was a very interesting sight to sea, all the boats with their big nets and lights. We were supposed to take a road that skirted the outside of the whole peninsula of Shiretoko, but much to our dismay it was closed for the season. Fortunately, Becca managed to convince the guys to drive as far as we could. The wind was so sharp and cold when we jumped out with awe to look at some pointed rocks in the waves below. There were thin waterfalls along the rocks and forests to our left, and the ocean coastline to our right (with far off islands just visible in the grey mist). Gazing to my left into the depth of rippling mountains, grey clouds, and spectacular oaks clinging to the slopes, I wanted desperately to turn down these roads and head through the land. But I also enjoyed going along the coast, a face of this earth I am exciting to come to know better. When we at last reached to farthest point, we got out to walk around on the rocky shore. Then we had to turn back. We wanted to make it back to the world's best bakery, where we had eaten bread the day before. The drive back seemed to take quite a bit longer. It began to snow considerably, and by the time we had returned to the little onsen town near the lodge, the landscape was quite different. To our immense dismay, the bakery was all sold out by the time we made it back. I especially felt bad for the crestfallen Kotaro, especially because it was our dilly-dallying at the coast which had come between him and a mouthful of delicious bread. But we bought some souvenirs nonetheless. Across the street there was a cafe famous for its good food, but we had just missed the cut off for meals there, as well! Fortunately, they offered to put together the food that they had left. So we ended up with sandwiches on yummy flaky bread, as well as a truly scrumptious hand-made pizza. I can only imagine how incredible the actual meals are!! I bought some walnut cookies here as well, and when we got back to the car I shared them.They were so good--a little spicy, hard but not too hard, and almost dissolved in your mouth. I wish I had asked for the recipe! I also bought some green tea cookies to give to Koike-sensei. The drive back was quite harrowing in the snow, going up the tight curves of mountains in the dark. I can sense the changes in elevation in my ears (they are so sensitive to pressure changes) so I could tell as we began our climbs and descents. Kotaro, who was our fearless driver for this stretch, took the danger with a smile. His more lighthearted attitude in what was otherwise a rather tense situation was rather admirable. We listened to the artist, Macklemore, as we made the slow progress back towards Akanko. I said that I would switch drive for a time, since I had not driven since the day before. The snow had fortunately stopped by the time I took the wheel, although I was still nervous about the snow on the roads. As I learned, we were actually not yet headed back to Sapporo. In a town perhaps two hours away from Sapporo, we were actually going to meet one of Kotaro and Namijyun's friends at an Izakaya (bar-like restaurant). I wasn't especially excited to learn this, since it was already around 9PM. I also don't especially like Izakaya, because they are full of smoke, beer, and meat. The friend they met was very nice, however. And Kotaro is also always very considerate to try to look out for us vegetarians. I was actually a little pleasantly surprised when he explained that not only do I not eat meat, but I am quite strict about it and don't even enjoy the taste anymore. This is true. I have such close associations now between meat and flesh (sorry to gross others out), that I have no desire to eat it whatsoever. I often explain that when I did eat meat, I had not great love of it and that is one of the reasons it was easy for me to give, but this is not entirely true. Actually, it was mostly just hamburgers that I never liked. I can still remember a time when I thought of turkey, chicken, roast beef, and especially gyros as delicious. The taste of gyros, indeed, are my one weakness. But I am staunch in my vow not to eat meat, and I refuse to break it intentionally. Anyways, seitan gyros taste better than meat gyros though they are hard to find! I will eat fish now and again, but I do my best to avoid it because there are few products in Japan that do not secretly harbor fish. It is also meat, and as I have pointed out, the Japanese fishing business is the most notorious in the world. As it became later and later, I felt myself feeling impatient to get on the road and back to Sapporo. I disliked the smokey air, although the imo-dango (a potato-like cake) that I ate almost made up for it. While the others were talking, I overheard in their conversation more information regarding the living arrangement of the apartment Becca would be moving to. I had not known that Becca and Kotaro would be moving in together. I realized at that moment that there is so little I am actually told, and I began to slip away into my own thoughts, becoming consumed by them and also my secret impatience to leave. Only that day had I come to terms with Becca leaving, and so to suddenly obtain this new piece of information, I was very sad. I thought we had much more than 2 hours ahead of us, actually, so it was a relief when I found out we were that close to Sapporo. The roads were slow and snowy as we drove back. I sat in back, left to my own contemplations, as I watched the snow outside. Finally, we arrived back in Sapporo. There was snow everywhere. We got to the dorm at about 2am. This is where I will stop for the moment, although it is a week behind. To write so much at once might overwhelm those of you reading, so I will break up what I have written so that it is not such a huge amount to read. More to come!
P.S. "Shiretoko" is Ainu for the end of the earth. It is also one of the farthest points east in Japan.
P.P.S. Hi Frieda! I love you!
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